Thursday, October 18, 2007

Do or Die, S3.6

I skipped the last few epis to get back on Logo’s broadcasting schedule and I’m kinda sorry I did. After recapping 'Turn of the Screw' and All Things Mad Tessa, here we are with ‘Do or Die’ – starring the psychosis of Pam Jolly.

Alrighty then - let the madness begin!

We open in a lifer’s meeting. Helen says all lifers are moving to single cells on the 3s and everyone's excited. Well, everyone but Shell.

She asks if they're moving Yvonne off G3. "Cuz she ain’t a lifer, is she?”
Turns out Yvonne's in isolation on another wing while they investigate Charlie's murder. Shell wants to make sure only the REAL murderers get G3 status - and Yvonne? Well, she just "botched hers up."

Nikki: “Christ’s sake, Dockley. It isn’t a competition.”
Shell: “Well, we wanna keep it special, don’t we?”

Oh, you'll always be special, Shell!

Shaz wants to stay in the dorm and wait for Denny. Who’s still recuperating from that nasty tongue-pierce-by-way-of-nail.

Outside the kitchen by the dumpsters, the Julies hear a mewing and find a cat.

Back on the wing, Helen brings a new resident to G3 which just unnerves Fenner:

Fenner: “Where you going with Podger?”
Helen: “Her name’s Pam and she’s going on G-Wing.”
Fenner: “Shit’s sake! Are you just out to bloody well wind us all up?”
Helen: “Maybe you should see a counselor, Jim.”

Hmm...I’m with Fenner on this one. But speaking of winding up, Shell watches as Nikki moves her things up to the 3s.

Shell: “’Ere comes the mobile library. Bet poor ol’ Babs is gonna miss her bedtime story.”
Nikki: "You should try reading sometime. Feed your tiny brain."

Shell (mumbles): “Feed me bleedin’ arse.”


But like Fenner, she quickly becomes unnerved when she sees her old friend from the muppet wing.

Shell: “K'in’ hell.”

When she looks down and sees Fenner tho, she quickly forgets about Pam.

Ah, prison... the strong, the weak, the crazy. The trickle-down of pain & fear. Which sometimes trickles-up again.

Karen sees Jim and asks if he's ok. But no, he's not okay: "How many more raving loonies is Stewart moving here? Is she gonna ship the whole muppet house?"

Karen doesn't wanna hear it tho. "I'm sick of your anti-Helen Stewart campaign. It makes you sound like Sylvia. I've asked you before - why do you keep on? What do you expect me to do?"

Not a goddamn thing, Karen! I understand completely - you just want a nice, quiet workplace. You don't wanna know from screws fucking inmates or sadistic doctors or delusional inmates. Why won't everyone just stop whining??

Before I can process all this, Jim plays on Karen's sympathy (the whole "WAH! I got stabbed!" thing). So she smiles and makes nice and they go off to have some tea.

Meanwhile, the Julies sneak the cat up to their cell. And by "sneak," I mean, "carry upstairs in full view of everyone":

Is it any wonder they're in prison??

Cut to Helen in Pam's cell.

Helen: "I'll leave you to unpack your bags. Then you can come down and get some lunch."
Pam: "I'm not listening!"

Helen: "Pam, I'm putting a lot of trust in you. Ya gotta try and make this work."

Hee. Are ya kidding, Helen??

Pam: "Telling me you wanna try and take my rosary away!"
Helen: "Sorry?"
Pam: "When I say my rosary, they can't get through to me. But I can't say it nonstop, can I?"

Helen thinks reasoning with the crazy lady makes sense tho: "No one's gonna take your rosary away."

Ok, first - since when does Pam speak in complete sentences? A few short epis ago, she could only grunt and scream. Second - Helen? What the fucking fuck? This is the worst idea you've had since the DST fiasco of S1.2.

Pam: "My mum used to say, 'if anybody wants to steal my wedding ring, they'll have to cut my finger off.' That's why I wear it 'round my neck. So they'll have to cut my head off! (pause) It's my own fault. I should try to be more like other people, shouldn't I?"

Helen: "You'll be fine, Pam."

That's quite the vote of confidence, Helen - considering she's out of her fucking mind. "Fine" is the last thing I expect she'll be.

Helen leaves and heads.... yep, straight for her girlfriend's cell.

Nikki's unpacking her books (staringly longingly at "Sophie's World") when Helen knocks on the door. With the biggest, most flirty smile ever: "Nikki, can I ask you to do me a favor?"

Nikki: "Yeah?"
Helen: "Can you introduce yourself to Pam Jolly and take her down to lunch with you?"

Helen: "She's gonna need a lot of support. She's very scared. And who wouldn't be, after what she's been through?"

Nikki: "She's the scary one."
Helen: "So you agree with Jim Fenner, then?"

Wow, that's a really cheap shot, Helen...

She tells Nikki that once upon a time, Pam was nice and normal. And now she's not. So Helen's gonna save her, even if it puts everyone else at risk.

Nikki, of course, agrees to help. Reluctantly. But reminds Helen, "you can't win 'em all, you know."

Helen: "Is that a principle for action?"
Nikki: "No. It's just an 'I care about you.'"
Helen: "Just...give her a chance."
The Julies play with the cat, name him Tinker, and realize he'll need a litter box.Cut to Karen's office. Where Jim leans in reeeaaaal close:

Fenner: "Have you got any plans for tonite?"
Karen: "Have you?"

Blechhhh... well, MY plans now include scraping my retina with an exacto knife, thank you very much.

Fenner: "Well, we could go for a nice meal out, then you invite me back to yours."
Karen: "Because you still might get a visit from Marilyn?"
Fenner: "You know I'd move in with you tomorrow if you gave me half a nod. I just don't wanna rush you."

Which just makes Karen giddy.

"I could be finished around half five."

Gina Rossi and Di barge in, with Josh in tow. They want the "baby screw" to make the tea. Gina not-so-discreetly inquires about his domestic habits. No, Josh says he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Gina (quietly to Di): "Talk about going to waste."

Karen insists Josh have lunch with her and Fenner. As they leave, Di looks after him like a desperate, three-legged puppy.

Gina cracks about Karen as the "filler in a Josh and Jim sandwich," which truly scandalizes Di. "Do you have to be so crude?"

Gina: "What you got between your legs, Di, a picture of Jesus?"


Lunchtime on G-Wing. Nikki takes Pam downstairs and they get on line.

Nikki: "You have to pick up a tray."

But Pam just stares at the floor, so Nikki hands her one.

On the line, Shaz and Buki try it on by teasing Pam. Which only tests Nikki's already thin patience.

Shell calls out, "Hey Pam, you come straight up here to the front. Swap with me. Come on."

Pam looks at Nikki, who just shakes her head. "It's up to you."

Pam wanders over to Shell, who hands Dawn the plate and tells her to "get dolloping." Quietly, she tells Pam, "you wanna watch that lezzie, Wade. She's worse than Mad Tessa Spall."

At the mention of Tessa's name, Pam's eyes grow wide. Well, wider.

Shell says, "if I was you, I'd go up and scarf it in your cell. Or Nasty Nikki might take it off ya. Go, quick! Go on!"

A terrified Pam scampers upstairs with her food as the other inmates yell out: "Run, Podger!" Go for it, Podger!" "Leg it!"

Nikki demands to know what's going on and Shell explains, "well, we don't want her putting us all off ours, do we?"

Nikki replies with that now familiar refrain: "you're a sick bitch, Dockley."

The Julies grab Nikki as she walks past, and promise her loads of fresh manure for the garden, compliments of Tinker (whom they're apparently just carrying around the wing):

Cut to...G3. Where Pam sits in her cell praying the rosary and where someone sets fire to a pile of books.

As Di and Gina walk up the stairs, they smell the smoke. And before you can say 'shazam!', Gina grabs a fire extinguisher, leaps the landing in a single bound, and puts out the flames. While Di's still nattering on about Josh.

On the medical wing, Helen's brought Shaz along. Dr NoNo tells Helen that Denny's off the critical list. They'll keep her under observation for the next 2 weeks or so.

But he hopes Helen punishes Shaz and Denny (since they haven't suffered enough). And for "wasting his time" (since he doesn't get paid for this).

Shaz kneels down beside Denny's bed. She's all, 'sorry for sticking a rusty nail thru yer tongue.'

Her mellifluous voice miraculously brings Denny to consciousness.

Helen: "Don't try and talk, Denny."
Shaz: "You gonna be okay, Den. Just a couple of weeks."
Helen: "Then you'll be back in the dorm with Shaz."

Nikki's in the potting shed - no, don't get all excited. She's only there with the Julies. And the cat. The Julies want the cat to stay in the shed but Nikki doesn't want him shitting in her shed.

But the Julies cajole and Nikki relents, so Tinker's got a new home.

Josh and Karen return from lunch, and Di tells her about the fire in Nikki's cell. Karen wants the 3s banged up while she investigates.

Helen's office. She's with Shell and Pam (in the episode's funniest scene):

Helen: "Look, I'm not asking or expecting you to become the best of friends. Just that you get along and you make the most of what the lifer's unit has to offer you."

Shell: "Well, it's like G3 is our street, ain't it Miss? And me and Pam's neighbors, and ya can't choose your neighbors, can ya Pam?"

Pam clutches her rosary and hums. Loudly.

Shell: "Ya just gotta say a cheery 'hello,' lend a cup of sugar - well, not that you can lend anything in here, it's against the rules, but..."

Pam's humming gets louder.

Shell: "I don't think she's listening to me, Miss."

Just then, Di barges in. "Sorry to interrupt, Mum, but there's been a cell fire on G3. Miss Betts wants the 3s brought back."

Di tells Helen the fire was in Nikki's cell. Nikki walks to her cell with Helen hot on her heels.

Nikki: "Not my books."

She picks up the burned copy of "Sophie's World." "First thing you ever gave me," she says ruefully.

Helen: "I'll buy you another copy."
Nikki: "I warned you not to bring that fathead case up here. But you always know best, don't ya?"
Helen: "Everyone on this unit is a suspect, Nikki, including yourself. I'm not accusing anyone until I've got proof."

Really, Helen? Nikki's a suspect??

Screw's Lounge. Karen tells the screws she wants every inmate from G3 questioned about the fire - there'll be no free time unless "the culprit owns up." And they'll be sent to bed without any dinner.

Karen: "It must've been started during free flow. Which means they all had an opportunity."
Helen: "I'll interview Pam Jolly myself." I'm fluent in batshittery.

Fenner says Pam is their number one suspect. Helen reminds him there are 2 other firebugs on the wing.

Fenner: "But not one fire til you lumped us with Podger. Sorry to be blunt, only stating a fact."

Helen: "I'm looking for a motive. The only person that Pam has a history with is Shell Dockley. Why would she go for Nikki Wade's cell?"

Because she's out of her fucking mind???

Jim says it's because she's a nutter. Karen says it could be because books make a good bonfire. Helen says not to assume anything.

Karen: "Ok guys - split the 3s up between you. Go and grind them down."

Pam's cell. She's praying again when Helen walks in.

Helen: "Pam, I need to talk to you. We're interviewing everyone on the landing about the fire that was started in Nikki Wade's cell. I need you to answer me truthfully."

Pam starts humming louder.

Helen: "Pam, Pam! Did you have anything to do with it?"

But Pam can't hear over all that humming. Helen looks around and sees Pam's mirror covered with sanitary pads.

Cut to Helen on the medical wing talking to Dr NoNo.

Dr NoNo: "Sanitary pads?"
Helen: "Has she done that before? What does it mean?"
Dr NoNo: "It means what we know from her record. The woman's criminally insane."

Oh for fuck's sake - what's "criminally insane" about covering a mirror with sani pads??  Insane, maybe; but criminal??

No No walks away but Helen shant be dissuaded.

Helen: "I'm sorry, doctor, that isn't a diagnosis. That's an oxymoron, isn't it?"
Dr NoNo: "What?"

She said, "that's an oxyMORON." You. Bloody. Wanker.

Helen: "Well if she's criminally insane, how can she be held responsible for her crime and vice versa?"

But that kind of logic won't work on NoNo. He hasn't time for those "verbal gymnastics."

Helen grabs him. "Then tell me! I need to know - does she have a mental illness or not?"

That Helen needs NoNo to confirm her suspicions about Pam is more than a little odd. Isn't it glaringly obvious that the woman's sick? That there's something wrong with her??

Screw's Lounge. Di tells Fenner she's taking Josh for his first drink at the Officer's Club. Which apparently is news to Josh.

He's all "no can do, Di" - he's already got plans.

Di's just crushed. Josh explains he's "meeting an old mate he hasn't seen in ages."

Di: "Oh, well I could come for one, couldn't I?"
Josh (uncomfortable): "Just leave it for another time, ey?"

But Di keeps pushing and Josh keeps resisting.

Di: "Oh, just say it, Josh. You're embarrassed to be seen with me."

Josh: "Ok, I'm embarrassed to be seen with you." "
Di (realizes she sounds desperate): "I've done it again. What do I sound like?"

Well, as long as you asked, Di - let's ask our gentle readers. What DOES Di sound like?

A. someone whose lived with her mother too long
B. a woman who needs to get laid
C. a nutter who needs heavy-duty meds
D. a psycho with restraining orders against her
E. a freak with bodies buried under her floorboards
F. all of the above

Karen's office. She and Fenner are getting ready to leave. Jim's all about the nesting and can't wait to shack up with Betts.

Fenner: "Um, I'm trying to tell you that...I'm in love with you. I know I've got a lot of stuff to sort out but, it's me and you. That's what I want in future."
Karen: "That's what I want too, Jim."

You know what? You two deserve each other, completely and unreservedly. I officially wipe my hands of you, Karen - you stupendously retarded halfwitted slag.

On the wing, Nikki steps out of the shower, covered in flea bites. "Listen, Julies. You better think of how to get poor little Tinker some flea treatment. Quick. Or he's moving out of my potting shed, alright?"

As the Julies ponder how they'll manage this, a toilet flushes. Here comes Shell.

Shell: "Hey girls, I catch you saying something about a cat?"
Julies: "A cat? What cat's that?"
Shell: "The cat that's got fleas."

Nikki warns her to keep her mouth shut, otherwise her "face is gonna need surgery."

Shell: "What are ya saying that for? Like I'm not a cat lover?"
Nikki: "I know exactly what you are, doll. And I'm warnin' you."

As Nikki leaves, Shell calls out, "don't hafta lick pussies to like 'em, do ya?"


Shell has plan - if the Julies jack off her new beau, he'll bring them flea powder. Small price to pay - as Julie J so sagely puts it, "what's another hand job?"

On G-wing, Gina and Josh marvel at their new careers at Larkhall. Why, just a short time ago, they were both unskilled, uneducated workers. Josh was the maintenance man and Gina was.... something-or-other.  A waitress, a baker, or a candlestick maker.

But thanks to her Majesty's largess, they're now highly respected and 'skilled' prison service professionals! Long Live the Queen!

Di sees Josh and Gina and gets jealous, so she interrupts. And here comes Shaz, who wants Josh to fix the toilet in the dorm.

Di's all, "hey, cheeky! He doesn't do that anymore." (that's right - see the suit, Shaz? Josh is a career man now).

Then Shaz asks if Josh has heard from Crystal. Which triggers Di's krazy-dar.

"What does she mean by that?"

Mealtime. Fenner's strolling around, his nerves clearly frayed when he makes eye contact with Pam. Just then, Shell comes up behind him and he fairly jumps out of his skin.

Shell, of course, is amused. As am I.

And Di wants a word with Shaz. She's upset about "the personal remarks" Shaz made to Josh.

Shaz: "Everyone knows about him fancying Crystal. We all thought they'd get together."
Out in the yard, Pam walks by the potting shed when she hears Tinker mewing inside. She starts muttering... something.

The 2 Julies watch from the side.

Julie S: "How we gonna give him his lunch if she's at the bloody shed?"
Julie J (bravely): "We tell her to blub off somewhere else!"
Julie S: "You tell her!"
Julie J (on 2nd thought): "Nah. Let's have a fag and go and wait for Nikki."


Josh strolls through the yard with Di when she mentions Sylvia's missing anniversary clock. She casually makes up a looong, rambling story about the case of the missing clock - and claims Dominick said Crystal stole it.

And Pam Jolly's head finally goes 'POP!' She launches a full-out offense against the potting shed. Kicking and pounding at the shed, she rails against the furry demon inside.

Does Helen still need confirmation of Pam's mental illness?

Di and Josh restrain her while Pam shrieks, "he's in there! He's in there!"

"I heard him! He's pretending he's a cat!"

Then Pam busts out of Di's hold and starts tearing around the yard, while Josh and Di run after her. Cue Benny Hill theme song.

Later that night on the wing, the Julies complain to Shell that Pam scared the cat away.

Which inspires Shell to tell them that, "during lockup, right, I thought I heard this cat sound. Like, really realistic, only I thought it was Podger doin' her spazzer act. I mean, don't go by me, but she could stuff anything up that tent dress."

So the Julies assume Pam's got Tinker hostage.

In the dorm, Shell winds up Shaz and Buki - they hate people who are mean to animals. With the Julies, Shell, Shaz and Buki all pumped, they head for Pam's cell. And find her praying and muttering.

Julie S: "Listen, we want our cat back."
Julie J: "So have you got him in here?"

Pam just laughs like a lunatic.

Buki, impatient little crackhead, pushes Pam down and proceeds to kick the shit out of her.

(by the by, I've skipped a few epis and haven't said anything about Buki, so I'll say it now: I. Fucking. HATE. Crackheads).

While Buki gleefully kicks the crap outta Pam - "where's the cat, bitch?" - the Julies and Shaz look on, horrified.

Cut to Fenner walking into Pam's cell a few minutes later.

The scene is even too much for Jim: "Oh, christ. I am sick of this shit."

Outside the wing, Karen dresses down Di - why wasn't anyone on watch up there? Di basically says it was all Jim's fault and that he's got his "drink problem" back.

Along comes Jim, who apologizes for choking up. Karen wants him to take some time off and see his doctor, but Jim refuses. "I've just got to push myself."

Karen: "I think you need some professional help. I really do."

Fenner: "Yeah, well that's just the kind of talk that makes it 100 times worse for me!"

He says he'll "take his bollocking" and get his shit together.

Karen: "Right. I'll see your report first thing in the morning, then."

But before they leave, Karen tells him, "you were right about Pam Jolly. I'm going to get her moved."

Karen's office. She's talking with Helen.

Karen: "First it's a fire. Then she goes beserk at exercise. Now she wrecks her cell!"

Whoa! "Wrecks her cell?" I'm sorry, Karen - did you miss the fucking boot marks on her face? The bruises on her body? Considering you used to be a nurse, I'm surprised you missed the signs of an obvious beatdown.

Helen says they don't know who wrecked her cell. But Karen just can't cope with her there - Pam must go back to the muppet wing.

Helen says there's another option, if Karen will help her.

Helen: "I want to get Pam assessed by an independent psychiatrist. That way, we can find out exactly what's wrong with her and if she can be treated."

That's an excellent idea, Helen! Maybe one you should've tried BEFORE you moved her to G-Wing??

Karen thinks it's too big a risk, but Helen insists and says it's "her head on the block."

Except it's not just Helen - she's put all of G-Wing heads on the block as well.
Outside. Helen meets Dr. Waugh (or ‘Thomas,’ as he says) and brings him to his office.

Thomas: “I read your report. It’s very interesting.”

Helen says that since then, Pam’s had “her precious rosary” stolen. But the Good Doctor is glad since he won’t have to “wean” her off them.

Which is good, since I hear detoxing from the rosary is a bitch.

Thomas: “I’m just amazed that Pam’s not been referred before.”
Helen: “I take it you don’t normally work for her Majesty’s Prisons?”

Thomas's office. He's already mid-session with Pam.

Thomas: “Tell me what you did, Pam. After God spoke to you."

Pam says she packed her bags and waited. And eventually, God sent her a blond-haired gas man. But he mocked her. And that’s when she knew he wasn’t an angel - but was sent from the Devil - so she killed him. And set his body on fire.

Pam: “I had to save the Second Savior so he could be born of my body. Why doesn’t that make sense??”


Thomas responds with double reverse psychology, with a half twist:

Thomas: “I feel I’m really patronizing you here, Pamela. I am, aren’t I? I’m assuming that I know better than you about the facts of your life.”

But Pam thinks she probably is a nutter. The Good Doctor says some people just have “an illness that distorts the way they think.”

Pam: “You mean, anyone who doesn’t believe the same as you?”
Thomas: “I suppose I do, basically.”

My, that's awfully revealing, Doctor...

And then, my favorite lines of the entire epi:

Pam: “You can’t prove that gas man wasn’t sent from the Devil, can you?”
Thomas: “No, I can’t. But you can’t prove that he was.”
Pam: “Then what’s true is what someone believes, isn’t it?”

Thus Pam and the Good Doctor find themselves engaged in that age-old epistemological debate: What’s true? What’s real? How do we know what we know?

For example, I believe this episode fairly sucks - therefore, it’s absolutely true.

(and as an aside, Pam - way to hold your own with the shrink! See, having your rosary stolen really WAS a blessing in disguise. Just not a blessing disguised as a gas man!)

After the session ends, Helen stops by.

Thomas diagnoses Pam: paranoid schizophrenia, delusions, hallucinations, et al. He’s put her on anti-psychotic drugs and will keep her in therapy.

Cut to Helen in Karen’s office, pacing and agitated.

Helen: “...totally incompetent, no question. He said that any medical practioner would’ve seen that she’s delusional if they’d bothered to engage with her. Now if she’d been properly treated from the start, she’d be much farther down the road to recovery. Now, how many more women’s lives are we gonna allow this man to waste?”

Karen sighs. “You’re right. So?”

Karen couldn’t sound less concerned if she tried.

Helen: “I’m gonna go and see Simon now. Are you coming with me?”

And Karen actually sucks her teeth and makes a face!!

Oh seriously - since Karen started messing with Jim, she's been one. harsh. bitch. She doesn't give a fuck about anything now. In fact, she gives less than a fuck - she gives a "fu..."

In Pam’s cell, a nurse brings her meds. Pam swallows her pill, gets up, and takes the sanitary pads off her mirror. And starts fixing her hair.

That’s one fast-acting pill!

Helen comes in with good news: they’ll soon have a place for her on an open prison. And she can still have therapy with the Good, nay, the GREAT, Doctor Waugh.

Just then, Nikki walks in. She asks Pam if she wants to do some gardening. Helen smiles at Nikki.

The Julies mop and fret about Tinker, who's still missing.

Julie J: “He knew we loved him whilst he was with us, didn’t he?”
Julie S: “Yeah, of course he knew!”

Nikki comes by and calls for the Julies to meet her outside... the potting shed.

Seems Pam didn't eat or kidnap the kitty. No, there's a much more mundane explanation for her absence - Tinker's just a whore cat.

On the wing. Nikki tells Helen about the kittens. The Julies found them a good home – with Monica Lindsey.

Nikki: “I just need you to sign their release forms so she can come to collect them.”

The kittens need release forms??  Are you kidding?  Will they be put on parole as well??

Nikki: I’ve gotta apologize to you. You were dead right about Pam Jolly.
Helen: “Well, you were right – I was putting my neck on the block. I really feel I can change things now. Oh, I nearly forgot...”

She hands Nikki a new copy of 'Sophie’s World'. “I know it’s not the same, but...”

Nikki smiles and opens the book. Inscribed inside is, “Until we meet on the outside. H.”

Ok, all is forgiven, Helen – you got lucky with Pam, but still, all is forgiven.

Shell scares Fenner AGAIN. She asks for a new bedsheet, unfurls her old one covered in blood, and says it's from her period. Fenner shits another, bigger, larger brick.

Outside Larkhall, Di's officially stalking Josh. She drives to his house and waits outside. And watches him go inside, where he helpfully yells for Crystal before he's even shut the door. The crazy churns, churns, churns, inside Di's twisted little mind.

And Dr NoNo finally gets his walking papers. He leaves a bitter, angry man. Well, more bitter and angry. Let's just hope he's gone for good.

Then. In the screw's lounge. Jim is furiously smoking and seriously stressing - between Shell and Pam, he's truly come undone.

Helen comes in and wants Pam's file, but notices that Jim is.... perturbed.

Helen: "Are you alright?"
Fenner (angrily stubs out his cigarette): "If one more bitch...."

He pulls the file drawer open, pulls out a file, and thrusts it at her. "You want a file?"

As Helen takes it, Fenner grabs her and shoves her against the filing cabinet.

Fenner: "Or shall I show you what you really want?"

And then he grabs her between her legs. Helen manages to push him away and run out of the office.

Blecchh.... here's my Wish List List of Demands for next week:

Shell stabs Fenner again. She slooowly flays him, then hangs him from the landing by his entrails.

Pam goes off the miracle drug and kills Dr NoNo with defibrillator paddles to the head.

Tinker the cat returns, and really IS possessed by Satan. She attacks Dr Waugh, mauling his face beyond recognition. Suffering PTSD, the Good Doctor never returns to Larkhall.

Karen accidentally eats rat poison from the servery and ends up in a coma - a "persistent vegetative state," to use the proper medical term. Cuz she used to be a nurse, innit?

Josh files a restraining order against Di and gets her transferred to the muppet wing. Where she's assigned as Mad Tessa's personal officer/cell mate.

Yvonne's let back on the wing. Like, immediately - like, within the first 3 minutes of the episode. Where she's returned to her rightful place on the throne.

Helen brings Nikki a book in the potting shed. They have a quick shag. Back inside, they stop in the art room. And have another shag. On their way to G-Wing, they stop in Karen's office. And shag across her desk. Heading back to Nikki's cell, they stop at the pool table. For a final shag before lock-up.

and lest anyone think my List unreasonable, let me say this: you don't need to meet ALL my demands, Shed - 2 or 3 of them will suffice.