But Not-So-Merry Old Larkhall. Where Jim lays in Shell's cell, waiting to bust a nut. And Nikki sits in Helen's flat, waiting to bust outta the country.
Helen hangs up the phone after dialing Emergency Services, looking pretty damn grim.
And 'grim' looks sexy on Helen.
Nikki comes back in the room, all happy and hyped. She's ready to lam it. Go underground. Live off the grid.
Nikki: “Did you get a cab ok?”
Helen: “Nikki, you're not gonna get to San Francisco.”
Nikki: "Huh?"
Helen: "It's a 12-hour flight. Think!"
Nikki: "I'm not gonna go direct."
Helen: "It doesn't matter. Your passport's gonna be red hot wherever."
Nikki: “It won't be my passport. I'll use Trish's. I've got the wig.”
Helen sighs and looks generally disturbed. Nikki smiles and looks generally pleased.
Nikki: (pulls at Helen) “Helen, please - all I need is a cab.”
Helen: "NO!"
Nikki: "Well, if you're worried about calling one here, I'll…”
Helen: “I am trying to get you to think things through. What about that nurse? If you're not back tomorrow?”
Nikki: “It’ll be those piss head screws in the shit, there’s nothing they can pin on her. She’ll be on a plane herself in a few days."
Helen sighs again as Nikki gets up.
Nikki: "Darling, it’s us we gotta look after."
Helen: “Which is why I’m begging ya – don’t be stupid.”
Nikki: “You’ll soon know I’m safe."
Nikki: "Can ya lend me 20 quid for a cab?”
Helen (upset - pushes Nikki away): “I’ll drive you.”
She storms off to get dressed.
Nikki (smiles and calls out) “love it when you’re bossy!”
On G-Wing, Jim still gettin' jiggy with Shell, hoping to get his knob polished.
Karen comes onto the wing looking for him. But the useless anonymous screws haven’t seen him. In fact, they haven’t done much of anything, and Karen tells them to “bloody well count their bodies.”
They'll be able to count bloody bodies in a minute.
In Shell’s cell, Jim unbuckles his pants.
Shell: "I'll do that for you, sir."
Fenner (chuckling): "Can't keep you off me, can I?"
Shell rolls on top of Jim, much to his delight. And much to my disgust, she lifts his shirt, exposing his
Jim’s all “ooh, ahh” as Shell (presumably) jerks him off.
Shell glares down at him. “Does that feel good, sir?”
Jim: "Oh no, don't stop." And then he opens his eyes.
Shell plunges the bottle in him. Not just 'plunges' - no, she leans into that shit with BOTH hands, putting all her weight behind it.
Fenner yells out in pain, and gapes up at Shell. Who laughs in delight, then gives the bottle a twist. Complete with squishy, squeaky, bottle-stabby sounds.
Yeah, it's pretty painful to watch. And then I remember it’s Fenner.
Go Shell!
Jim’s cries are heard ‘round the wing, and Karen runs up to G3 to see what her errant
Jim writhes in pain on the bed, with Shell still astride him. “Gone off me now, have ya? Big man?”
Karen calls out to Jim, and tries to open the cell, but Shell shoves the dresser in front of the door.
Fenner: "Help me! She stabbed me!"
Karen's all "Jim! Jim!" and peers through the peephole.
“Piss off, you bitch!”
Karen pushes the alarm and…..we’re off!
Anonymous screws run for the stairs
Denny and Shaz sit up
and Yvonne lights a fag
as the lights come up
"She's got 'im."
Oh, Larkhall – I’ve missed you these past months!
Back in Shell's cell, she's still barricading the door.
Shell: "Get off the bed! I said, 'get off it!'"
But Jim doesn't move fast enough, so she shoves him to the floor. And slides the cot behind the dresser.
On the wing, the alarm is still blaring, screws run amok, and general chaos/mayhem prevails.
Karen starts barking orders - "Right, you and you...blahblahblah. We've got an officer down with a stab wound in there. Tell gate to call all emergency services. Say we've got a possible hostage incident."
She wants all available staff, STAT. Jim's bleeding, dammit!
She orders the other inmates on G3 moved.
Back in Shell's cell, Jim's on the floor sniveling. "You really are a bloody psycho, aren't you?"
Shell: "Calling me names?"
Fenner: "You're stuffed, darling. You're gonna get nutted off to the funny farm for this!"
Shell's got other things on her mind, tho. She yells to Karen that she’s not talking to anyone “until Fenner owns up that he’s a rapist!”
But Karen’s busy on the phone.
Shell (calls out): “D'ya hear that?”
Karen just rolls her eyes. Can’t Shell see she’s busy, for God’s sake?? She's on the phone!
Shell (to Fenner): "Cuz that's what you are! A rapist and a lying piece of shit!"
Fenner: "You've really blown it this time, Shell."
Shell (waving broken bottle at him): "D'ya want another poke in the pudding? Cuz don't push me, right? There's plenty of sharp left!"
It turns out Karen's been holding for Simple Simon. She explains she has "a major incident on G-Wing. One officer down. Your presence is requested."
Really? When has Simon been helpful in ANY emergency at Larkhall? She should request that he stay far, far away.
Cut to Helen and Nikki driving the streets of London.
Nikki: “It's gonna be hell, waiting for you. Probably be months, won't it? Listen, Helen, if you ever ... (car horn honks, interrupts her). I forget I look a total prat. Dusty Springfield's ugly sister, ey? (smiles) Worked all right on your gormless gateman, though. He thought I was a right dizzy blonde.”
How is it that Nikki’s SO oblivious to Helen’s anger? I know she's excited about escaping, but goddamn...
Helen: “Do you really think you'd have gone back to prison, Nikki?”
Nikki: “What?”
Helen: “If you hadn't seen that letter."
Nikki: “Why? Do you wish you hadn't shown it to me now?”
Helen: “No, I mean if we still had hope for your appeal like we did, and we'd spent this night together, do you honestly think you’d have gone back to prison?”
Nikki: “Yeah. I would've, yeah.”
Helen: “Why?”
Nikki: “'Cause I really did think we were gonna win it.”
I'm guessing Helen wishes she DIDN'T show Nikki the letter.
Shell’s cell. Fenner’s pleads to be let go. "I'll make it up to you. Anything, just please let me out."
Shell's all "pffft!"
Back in the getaway car, they stop at a light - Nikki tells Helen to turn right. She says she'd have been “more determined than ever” to get out of Larkhall, now that she’s got Helen.
Nikki's still not getting the "wow, she’s mad" thing. Did sex with Helen completely melt her brain??
The light changes, and Helen most definitely does not turn right. No, she lurches straight ahead and locks all the doors instead.
Nikki: “What?! What're you doing?”
Helen: “I'm taking you back to Larkhall.”
Nikki: “Huh?”
Helen: “There's no escape - I've already called the police.”
Helen: "If you give yourself up at the gate, I'll say you only escaped to make a protest to me about your appeal."
Nikki: "No!"
Helen: "I promise."
Nikki: "NO!"
Nikki grabs the steering wheel. And the car swerves straight into oncoming traffic.
Helen eventually manages to right the car, but when she looks in her mirror, that’s right – po po’s rollin’ up on 'em. I mean, 5-0. I mean...the coppers? Damn British slang!
Ok, a squad car pulls them over, sirens all a-flashing (I half expect Nikki to stomp Helen’s foot down on the gas and try to speed away).
The officer and Helen both get out of their cars, and the cop asks if Helen's been drinking.
Helen: "No, I haven't. I saw a cat, I thought it was gonna run out in front of me."
The cop smirks in disbelief. "A cat?"
Yeah, it's rough when pussy comes out of nowhere and just blindsides you.
Helen offers to take a breathalyzer, but the cop walks around the car and clocks Nikki instead. Amused, she asks Helen, “are you nurses?”
Helen half smiles and nods, like, 'yep, 'nurses' - that's what we are!'
Sensing sapphic sisters in distress, the officer leers, "you'd better get home to your bed then, girls."
And so begins Helen's initiation into the subtexty, underground world of lesbian nuance and equivoque (and the not-so-nuanced, entirely unsubtle world of Lesbo Cop).The police leave and Helen gets back in the car.
Nikki (pissy): “Why didn’t you turn me in?”
Helen (even pissier): “Shut up!”
Nikki (tears wig off her head): “What the shit?”
Helen (yells): “I said, I want you to turn yourself in at the prison!”
Nikki glares at her. I don't think she loves Helen being bossy anymore (I'm just sayin'). But just then, Helen’s phone rings.
Why, it's Karen Betts, calling from G-Wing.
Blah blah - Jim, Shell, hostage... Helen says she'll be right there.
Helen: “Nikki, this is a perfect cover to get you back inside.”
Nikki: “What?”
Helen: "I thought I was gonna have to drive around till morning. It’s gonna be mayhem now.”
Nikki: “Just a second…”
Helen: “Look, no one knows that you’ve escaped. I didn’t call the police. I still can and will if you try and make a run for it.”
Nikki: “What do you mean you didn’t call the police?”
Helen: “I dialed ‘999’ but I couldn’t go through with it.
Nikki's exasperated and frustrated. Helen reaches out to stroke her cheek but Nikki pulls away.
Helen: "Nikki, if we want a future, the only chance we've got is to keep fighting for your appeal."
Back on the wing, Yvonne is unceremoniously tossed into the Julies’ cell.
Julie S: “Ey, what’s going on?”
Yvonne: “Oh, it’s an all-night party tonite, girls!”
Since they need all staff on G-Wing, Sylvia's awoken from her golden slumbers and ecstasy-laden dreams.
On the wing, Karen's still delegating, shouting directions, ordering people about.
Finally, she goes to talk to Shell.
Karen: "Shell, you've got to listen to me."
Shell: "Bog off, Betts!"
Karen wants her to let Jim go, but Shell's not done playing with him yet.
Karen: "The longer you string this out, the worse you're gonna make it for yourself."
Shell: "It's you whose made it worse for me, ya two-faced slag!"
Now Shell has her attention.
Karen: "Why? What do you mean?"
Shell: "Cuz I trusted ya, and ya lied to me, dint ya?"
Fenner (croaks out): "Just get the door open!"
Shell (thrusts bottle in his face): "Shut yer gob, you. Or I'll stuff this in it."
And then she slashes his hand.
Hee! Shell's hilarious when she's psychopafic.
Karen: "Jim, for god's sake, stay still! Don't try and talk, just...just hang on."
Shell: "You thought you was gonna get a shag off him tonite, didn't ya? He told me!"
Oops...
Fenner (croaks): "She's raving!"
Shell: "Does he beat you up and all, ey? Is that how you like it, Miss Smarty-Suit Betts?"
Karen (stammers): "Shell, I don't know why you're saying this."
Shell: "It just turned you on didn't it? What I told you he done to me? You're just gonna hafta imagine what I'm gonna do to him!"
With that, Shell stuffs a rag in the peephole. Goodbye Miss Smarty-Suit!
Outside Larkhall, all emergency crew and critical prison staff are arriving (Sylvia and Di Barker, too).
Now Helen pulls up, gets the keys from the gate, and parks 6 feet away from the guard. Then lets Nikki out of the back.
What the fuck?? Hello, security??
Just then, Trisha's passport and a plane ticket come flyin' over the wall and land in Nikki's lap. Ok, they don't, but they could. Theoretically.
Helen and Nikki make their way into Larkhall...
...calm even when the cops roll by.
(and I know Helen's all about the rules, but if she ever strayed from the path of the righteous, she'd make a hella criminal. Calm, cool, collected - she's a natural at the cloak-and-dagger stuff. Between getting pulled over and sneaking into Larkhall? I'd say she's made her fucking bones tonite).
Inside, prison staff is running about. Di half drags Syl's beatdown ass along, nearly running into Helen and Nikki. Our heroines think quickly, though, and the screws run past them.
Helen directs Nikki to a bathroom. "There’s a staff loo there. Wait 10 minutes, then go to your cell."
As Helen unlocks the door and shuts it behind her, Nikki grabs her hand thru the bars.
“Nikki,” she says.
Oh, you two are just killing me.
On G-Wing, Helen quickly walks to Nikki's cell and unlocks the door...
...and makes her way up the stairs.
(by the by, Helen looks seriously hot tonite - the shirt, the cleavage, the leather, the post-coital glow... She is WORKIN' it).
On G3, Karen briefs some medical dude.
Karen: "He's been stabbed in the abdomen with a broken bottle. Copious bleeding, looks like a major vessel's involved."
And how does she know a major vessel's involved? Cuz she used to be a nurse, innit? And any nurse can diagnose that thru a peephole:
See? Major vessel damage!
Karen sends Di for Jim's medical file as Sylvia natters away in her generally annoying way. So Karen makes her part of the storm trooping team - the ones that'll rush the cell.
Karen: "Go and get kitted up, you're going in."
Sylvia: "What me? Oh mum, I can't."
Karen: "Are you telling me you aren't fit for duty?"
Sylvia (stammers): "I just...well.... (then all stiff upper lip) No, mum - I'm fit as a fiddle!"
A sage decision from Wing Governor Betts: send the hungover, fat, old woman to storm the prisoner's cell! A sage AND sadistic decision, methinks.
Helen makes her way up to the landing.
Helen: “So what’s the story?”
Karen: “Well, how and why, I’m still in the dark. All I know is, the clock’s ticking.”
Helen ”Well, what’s her attitude? What’s she saying?”
Karen: “Whatever vicious thing pops into her head. You know Dockley, somethingsomethingsomething...."
Helen wants to know if Shell has any demands or grievances. Karen doesn’t know and she doesn’t care - no one calls her a slag and gets away with it! Or steals her sloppy
Helen: "But she's armed, isn't she?"
Karen (concedes): "She's got a broken bottle."
Karen: "I'm gonna get the fire team up there with a hose. I haven't got time for soft options here, Helen. There's
Helen doesn't like this plan - not one bit. Karen thinks she can make Shell give up but Helen’s afraid it’ll push her over the edge.
Helen: “I don’t wanna pull rank here, but she’s my responsibility.”
Karen: “Just so long as I make this clear – our first priority is to save his life. “
In stealth mode, Nikki makes her way thru the prison:
…and back to her cell, where poor Babs is ready to hurl from the drama. “My god! Nikki!”
“Jesus!” Nikki strips off the uniform and stuffs it in a bag. Now all she has to do is burn it. Or bury it deep in one of the kitchen dumpsters, and no one will be the wiser.
Shell’s cell. She calls out the window:
“Trust me girls, he ain’t wriggling out of it this time! Not if he wants to keep all his bits on!”
Just then, the lovely lifer’s liaison knocks on the door:
“Shell, this is Helen Stewart. I want you to tell me why you're doing this."
Shell: “Blimey! What is this, a bleedin' relay?”
Helen: “Listen, I've come in from home especially to help you.”
Shell: “Yeah? Well, that's your sad life then, innit? Don't dump it on me!”
Helen: “I will be sad if you can't even come up with a good reason for this.”
Shell looks at Fenner, who's looking pretty ashen. And pasty. Let's just call him "ashty."
Shell: “Well why don't you ask Betts what the reason is? She knows!”
Helen: “Why don't you tell me yourself?”
Shell: “Why do I tell you lot anything for the good it does me? I might as well speak friggin' Eskimo!”
Nikki’s cell. Back in her clothes, she’s all... smoky and sulky.
Barbara (holding the bag and uniform): "What are you going to do with this?"
Nikki: “Bury it - along with my dreams.”
Barbara: "Do you really think she would've taken all those risks to get you back here safely if she didn't care about you? Oh, don't be so stupid, Nikki! You put her in a terrible dilemma. I think she's been absolutely admirable!"
But Nikki ain’t feelin' the love.
Babs tells Nikki to just focus on her appeal, but Nikki says it's "bollocks."
Nikki: "What's suddenly going to change the pricks in wigs to let me appeal?"
Barbara: "Well, she hasn't given up, has she?"
Nikki: "Yes, she has. We had one chance to share a life together, to take a huge bloody risk and go for it... and that's it now."
In the screw’s lounge, Karen has the dubious honor of calling Jim’s wife, Marilyn. Who takes a wild guess that Dockley's the one who stabbed him.
Shell’s cell. Helen's still trying to find out what set Shell off. And what she wants.
Shell: “Yeah, well I'll tell you what I want, right - I wanna be believed this time! I want 'im to sign a true confession saying that he raped me, right? Because that's why I slashed him - to get 'im off me! (Turns to Fenner) You hear that, mush?”
Fenner: “For God's sake, I'm dying.”
Shell: “Well, look lively then!” (slaps him in the face)
Oh, hee!
Helen: “Shell, listen to me - you need to help us try to keep Mr Fenner alive.”
Helen convinces Shell to give Fenner a sheet and blanket, to "prove" she wasn't intending to kill him.
Shell begrudgingly throws her bedding at Jim - “here, stuff this in yer hole!” - and insists he sign a confession.
Helen asks if that's her condition for letting Fenner go. Suddenly Shell realizes she’s got some leverage - and wants "compensation" for all her Fenner woes.
Helen: "So, just tell us what it is you want."
Shell: “What? You mean, like I can have it?”
Yes, she can. And what does she want? What every prisoner wants - commissary! Cigarettes, candy, shampoo, stamps.
Some back and forth, some give and take, they finally reach a deal: Shell sends a swinger down for the goodies, Jim signs a confession, and Helen gets Shell a new cell (instead of sent down the block). If Fenner doesn't die first, that is.
Helen: "I need you to be really clear here with me, Shell. If I agree to your conditions, do you promise me that you will clear the door and let Mr. Fenner out?"
Shell: "Yeah, alright - I'll think about it."
Helen: "No, you have to make a clear promise."
Shell: "Yeah, I promise, ok?!"
Helen: "And you're clear about that?"
Shell: "'K'in hell! Whaddya want me to do, crutch a bleedin' bible?!"
Ah haha! I haven't yet said how much I love Shell (not this season, anyway), so I'll say it now: I. LOVE. Shell.
Simon's arrived, looking like a bloated, pompous toad. He's worried about how he'll explain this all to Area Management. So he'll just wait in his office while Karen fixes everything. Simple Simon says, she should call him when it's all clear.
The safe word?
In the Julies' cell, Yvonne's jumpin' on the bandwagon. She calls out to Shell, "don't be so gentle with him! Stick it in again and give it a bit of wrist!"
Haa!
Yvonne: "Ya gotta hand it to Dockley, tho. I know she's a pain in the ass but she knows how to get her man. I wish I could let her loose on mine."
The Julies are surprised. "We thought you was cut up about him."
Yvonne: "I'd like to cut him up. I'd like to put him in a slicer so he could watch himself make salami."
Ok, that's a bit much, even for me. But seriously - who rocks like Yvonne rocks?? Fucking NO ONE, that's who!
She tells them the whole ugly story of her Charlie and Renee - how they were shagging on the side and set her up for attempted murder.
The Julies bust out whiskey pilfered from Bodybag's bash, and the women share a late night toast.
Hmm... the whiskey looks suspiciously like Robitussin.
Back on G3, screws are still.... running around, amok, again. Helen gives Karen an update.
Helen: "She's acting out a grievance. I think as long as she's got a sense of triumph then she'll cooperate."
Karen (annoyed): "And what if she doesn't?"
Helen: "Then we go in while she's distracted at the window. But I don't think it's gonna come to that, Karen."
But Karen's all about the ass kicking tonite. It's like she can't wait to storm that cell.
Di Barker comes upstairs with the swag in a bag for Shell.
Helen tells her to wait outside - when she gets the signal, attach the swag to the swinger and send it up.
Di: "Right (looks around). I just need to figure out which window her cell is."
Heh - they don't know which window is Shell’s?? What, no blueprints or floor plans of Larkhall? Oh, this is gonna go well tonite.
Helen reminds Di to not get shit dropped on her head and Karen reminds her to turn the walkie-talkie on.
Yep, this should go swimmingly.
And it gets even better:
Sylvia leads her crack team of jackboots up the stairs as Denny sends Shell the swinger. Tensions mount as the other cons, watching from their windows, scream and cheer Shell on. And throw shit down on the heads of the screws.
Shell gets the swinger, and seems mighty pleased with herself.
Shell: "It's all going to treat, isn't it? (sits down across from Fenner). Well, it is for me, anyway."
Jim croaks out that he wants to see his kids again.
His appeal doesn’t exactly move Shell, who wants him to shut up and sign the confession.
Fenner: "D'ya really think I was that bad to you?"
SHell: "It says right here what ya been!"
Fenner: "I never raped you. You always wanted it."
Shell: "Yeah, like I wanted you to beat me up and all, did I?"
Fenner: "We had good times, you and me. More good than bad."
Which just pisses Shell off.
Fenner (repeats): "Good times...."
She gets up from the bed...
...and slams his head into the wall.
Good times, indeed - I hope this epi never ends!
Jim starts to cry. "You shouldn't have done this to me, Shell!"
He mumbles something I can't understand (seriously, why aren't his lips moving? I know he's been stabbed, but how did his mouth get paralyzed)??
Whatever he says, it really pisses Shell off.
"You shit of a prick! Gimme that!" She pulls the blanket away. And starts kicking him.
Just then, Helen calls from the door and interrupts Shell's workout.
They're ready to send her swag up, but Helen needs her to do a couple of things: first,
Shell claims he's "perked up okay now," but Helen insists on seeing for herself.
Shell throws the blanket back at Fenner and turns his head toward the door. Pulling the cloth away from the peephole, she lets them all take a gander.
Helen: "Thank you, Shell."
Shell: "I hope it's getting wrote up, all this I'm doin' for ya."
Heh.
Helen assures her it's all gonna go in her report. But now she needs her to do a second thing: give up the broken bottle.
Helen: "That way you'll prove to us that you've got no further intention of hurting Mr. Fenner or anyone else."
Shell: "Well, he ain't even signed his confession yet!"
But Karen's had enough. Her trigger finger's itchy and she pulls Helen away from the door. "This is going nowhere!"
Helen: "Please just give me a second."
Helen turns back to the door. "Shell, listen to me, we're running out of time. Please listen: look, a confession signed under duress means nothing at all."
She promises there will be a full investigation, but Shell has to send the bottle down in the swinger.
Shell agrees, but Karen simply won't wait anymore. She shoves Helen to the side -"sorry, my call!"
And radios Di to call when she has the bottle.
Meanwhile, the screws are at the ready.
Shell lowers the swinger but Di barely has it before she calls it in.
Karen steps in front of the cell. "Shell Dockley - this is Governor Betts! I'm giving you a direct order to come out of this cell now!"
Shell: "Ey? But I ain't got my stuff yet."
Shell realizes they're gonna bust their way in and starts pulling at the swinger. A few hard tugs and it comes right outta Di's hands - Shell frantically pulls it back up.
It's a race against time - will she get the bottle back before the screws break down the door?
The inmates are yelling now and chanting Shell's name. And just as Shell gets the bottle, the screws storm the cell:
Smack her around,
and drag her down the block.
As the medics rush to save Fenner.
Karen: "Come on, Jim. You can make it."
The chanting from the inmates gets louder - "Shell! Shell! Shell!" - and rumbles across the wing.
Back in Nikki's cell, she gets more and more agitated.
Helen watches as Jim's wheeled away. And asks Karen, "what was Jim Fenner doing in here in the first place?"
Karen shrugs. "Be nice to be able to ask him, wouldn't it?"
It'd be even nicer to just bury him, but no one asked me.
Helen decides to do an inspection of Shell's cell. And looks around at the blood and medical equipment. Suddenly, it all seems to hit her...
...just as Nikki freaks out downstairs and starts pounding on the door. "ShutupShutupSHUTUUUPP!!"
Barbara tries to calm her but it's too late for that.
Nikki: "I'm gonna go mad in here! I want my life back!"
She throw herself at the door. "Come on, you assholes! Come and get me! Come on, you bunch of sad cows, I'm asking for it! Put me on report!"
Helen hears the commotion and comes down the stairs - "stand back from this door!"
Helen opens the cell. "Get out here. NOW!!"
And suddenly notices Barbara:
She shuts the door and tells Nikki, "in the office. MOVE IT!"
There's only one thing on Helen's mind now (hint: it ain't sex).
Helen: “Just tell me one thing, Nikki. What have you told your cellmate?”
Nikki: “Huh?”
Helen: “I'd forgotten that you shared a cell.”
Nikki: “She knows it went ass up.”
Helen: “No, I mean what does she know about me?”
Nikki doesn’t answer.
Helen: “For God's sake, tell me!”
Nikki: “Why? What's it matter?”
Helen: “Oh, God.”
Nikki: “Well, how'd you think I…”
Helen: “I didn't think! I just imagined you in bed on your own!”
Nikki: (grabs her shoulders) “Darling, it's ok.”
Helen: (shrugs her off) “No, it's not ok.”
Nikki: “I didn't tell the nurse about you.”
Helen: “I didn't think you told anyone.”
Nikki: “You told Dominic McAllister.”
Helen: “It's not the same.”
Nikki: “Why? 'Cause he's not a con?”
Helen: “Because I told him about my feelings! You told a prisoner that I broke the bloody law!”
Nikki: “Well, she's not gonna dob you in it. She thinks you're a saint. Look, it was doing my head in! I told her it was all over between us. I don't have to say any different.”
Long pause.
(long enough for me to say, how does Helen know what Nikki told Barbara? She may well have told Babs about her feelings. And once Helen told Dom her feelings, she inadvertently told him she was breaking the bloody law. So, what the fucking fuck, Helen??)
Helen: “It IS all over.”
Nikki: “What?”
Helen: “It's got to be. Here am I, judging Jim Fenner for having an unprofessional relationship with Shell Dockley, and look at me.”
Nikki: “Don't be mad!”
Helen: “I am being a total hypocrite!”
Nikki: “He's a total bastard!”
Helen: “I can't hold it together anymore, Nikki."
Helen: "Neither can you. It's too strong, what we feel and what we need. It's impossible. We've gotta let go. We have no choice.”
Nikki: “This is just shit, Helen!”
Helen: “It's how it is.”
Nikki: “Not for me. No way. We make our choices. (long look at Helen) You coward. You don't need me. All you want is an easy life.”
Helen: “Fine, if that's the way you want to see it."
"Then hate me for it.”
Well, I hate you for it, Helen.
Cut to medics wheeling Jim to medical.
Jesus fuck - he's still alive?? DIE already, Fenner!
Back in her cell, Nikki says, "it's ok, Barbara. You can put it down in writing now - N and H, R.I.P."
At least Nikki's not crying.
Alone on the wing though, Helen Stewart fights back tears.
Meanwhile, the bastard Fenner's still hangin' on:
Lucky for us, Dr NoNo's on call. So there's a good chance Jim will die after all!
Sure enough, he's got no pulse. He's in cardiac arrest, his BP's dropping, and what does NoNo do? Why, not much of anything!
Marilyn: "Somebody, do something, please!"
They're all waiting on Dr NoNo, but he's like, "who, me?" It's Karen who has to call for the paddles. Cuz she used to be a nurse, innit?
The medic's like, "doctor" and Karen's like, "DOCTOR!" and that finally snaps NoNo out of his fog. Then, he's all, "stand back everybody!"
NoNo manages to find Jim's chest without any help while the medic charges the defibrillator. Dr NoNo shocks him, but there's nono response.
Well, not from Fenner, anyway - MY response is to cheer long and loud...
...and start preparing for Fenner's funeral.
"Oh, mama - can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Larkhall with the prison blues again...."
13 comments:
Thanks for a great recap! I liked this episode a lot. Helen looks so sexy in that red shirt & black leather.
It's good to see you blogging again.
I fink it's bleedin marvellous to see mets back recapping again. Its like you have never been away...
Shell really has outdone herself, happy slapping Fenner, whilst he clings to life and his nuts, there really is no better pyscho at the Larks, unless Nicky went on rampage as Dusty Springfield's jailbird sister in a cast armed with a garden shear..
Thank you for another stonking re-cap, it is always much appreciated. Take care as always..
Excellent recap and perfectly accompanied by screencaps. Would want more of your personal remarks, though.
Will there be more?
Well, you’ve got ekny to thank for the fabulous screen caps (seriously – she’s gone way above and beyond the call of...screen capping)!
And I’m not sure what personal remarks you mean – are you talking about my ongoing commentary (you know – all the wise ass-y stuff I’m compelled to write in the recaps) or do you mean the Exorcise Rooms?
As far as the Exorcise Rooms – they just sort of...come out of me. Usually unbidden and spontaneous. So I don’t really know (although I’m not sure what there’s really left to say there. Except to conclude the story of E and I, and I’m not sure when I’ll write that or what I’ll say). But since the Ex Rms just spring forth, who knows? Plus, the whole “lack-of-time” factor of late makes it hard.
But if I ever finish my book, and you’re still interested in The Life and Times of MetaSin Girl, I'll be happy to send you a copy! ;)
Yes, I was refering to all the wise ass-y stuff, I mean your ongoing commentary ;-).
Book, a book? I already have one but there is always place for a second, right?
Seriously, I do enjoy your blogs.
Will you PLEASE not swear? I know the show has to have swearing - it's a prison drama - but the fan synopses surely don't have to?
Wow....my first new comment in 3 yrs and I get a plea for G-rated language!
Sorry, Anonymous, but it ain’t gonna happen. If you allow that a prison drama has to swear, so should “a fan synopses” of said prison drama (especially THIS fan's synopses). Besides, I like to swear. I need to swear. For all kinds of different reasons.
Also, I’m really good at it...
But if you’re so put off my swearing, you might be downright scandalized by some of the other stuff I've written here. What can I say? Read at your own risk!
I can understand that, Metasin Girl, but my eight - year - old brother sometimes reads this - and as his big brother, i can't let him see such language. I love the synopses - and the show - but the language is too severe. When you write another one, can you mention how smokin' sexy Claire King is? She's well fit - but you've not mentioned it yet. Cheers. Scot.
P.S. Please don't take offence that I begged you not to swear so much. I assure you it's nothing personal.
Why does everybody think Helen's gorgeous? My faves are Karen - she's smokin' sexy - and Yvonne. Both exactly my type - feisty, sexy, gorgeous women who won't stand any nonsense. My girls!
@Scot - Oh, no offense taken! I found it funny that someone was upset by my language, given the subject matter of Bad Girls (and the personal stuff I’ve written here).
As far as your little brother…well, he probably shouldn’t be reading this blog! I mean, I really don’t care one way or the other, but it’s definitely not what I’d call ‘child-friendly.’
And Claire King may be smokin’ sexy, but Karen Betts most definitely is not (sorry!) My focus is purely on the show and the *characters* and not on the actors who play them. Which means I’m interested in Nikki Wade and Helen Stewart (and NOT Mandana Jones and Simone Lahbib). Tho admittedly, I wouldn’t kick either woman out of bed. Esp not Mandana.
And I thought Betts was kinda hot when she came to Larkhall. Then she started messing with Fenner and that was the end of that!
But there are plenty of Betts pics here, so enjoy.
Is Mandana Jones really a lesbian? If she's not, she's blinking good at playing one!
God, I wish! Sadly, Mandana's not a lesbian (well, as far as I know). But yeah, she was damn good at playing one...
Mandana's pretty fit as well as Claire. One thing you can say about the show - Maxi, Karen, Yvonne and Nikki were all well fit!
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