Oh What a Night, S2.13

Yay! The very exciting season finale.

In the Screws Lounge, Dom looks for photos he needs for his passport. Funny, they seem to have just disappeared!

While Sylvia make a guest list for her 30th wedding anniversary. She's left a name off  tho, and Fenner asks why Karen's not on the list.

Sylvia: "Why would I want to celebrate 30 years of marriage with a woman who's just had me demoted?"

Fenner: "You’re lucky to be in a job after what you did."
Dominick: "Why? She only gave a prisoner her key. Where’s the harm in that?"

Ha, I like funny Dom. Jim says it's not wise for Sylvia to make an enemy of Karen.

Enter Karen. "I’ve had security on at me about your do tomorrow night, Sylvia. Have you got your final guest list?"

Sylvia: "Um, just finishing it now." And she scribbles Karen's name at the top.

Karen: "They also want the names of the red bands serving the food and drinks. (to Jim) Maybe you could give them a call?"
Fenner: "Right."

So Sylvia's having her 30th anniversary party at....Larkhall??  How very fucking romantic!

Karen says Charlie Atkins is coming to visit with Yvonne today.

G-Wing. Nikki's on the phone.

Nikki: "Hi Trish, it’s me. I need a favor, darling. Cash. Three grand, in two lots. And I’ll need it in a hurry."

Sylvia (to Yvonne): "I hope you appreciate how many prison officers it takes to give you and your gangster husband this treat."
Yvonne: "Is that your basic grade prison officer like yourself, Sylvia? Or is..."
Sylvia: "Don’t push it, Atkins."

Then Shell tries to wind up Yvonne - why hasn't she kicked her Charlie to the curb after his fling with Renee?

Yvonne: "It’s called love. You don’t break up a marriage on the say so of a tart."
Shell: "She seemed to know him pretty well. Especially when she said about that scar."
Yvonne: "You’ll have a scar if you don’t piss off."

Damn, Yvonne's getting it from all sides today - the screws and the cons. Good thing her Charlie's coming for a visit.

Nikki's cell. She reopens her wound with a phone card...

...and calls for Di Barker.

Hallway. Fenner walks up to Helen.

Fenner: "I hear you’ve got a promotion board coming up."
Helen: "Been playing golf again with number one?"

Fenner: "I have to say he’s not too keen on your little plan to turn G-wing into a lifer’s unit."
Helen: "Really?"
Fenner: "You know it’s not going to happen."
Helen: "Oh, it will, Jim. If I want it to."

Just then, Di walks by with Nikki, who's cradling her bleeding hand. She and Helen exchange a long, lingering look.


Fenner: "Looks like it’ll be a while before she gets it up for you, love."

BWAHAAHA! I know it's Fenner, but that's just fucking hilarious!

Medical Wing. Nikki finds the same nurse from before.

Nikki: "If you want to be in Australia with your boyfriend by next week, I can get you the cash."
Nurse: "What??"

Nikki: "What you said. Three grand. I can get it for you, for a favor in return."
Nurse: "What do you mean?"
Nikki: "I need to get out of here for one night. You want to help me?"

Surprisingly, she doesn't jump at the chance to bust Nikki out of prison!

Nikki explains that Sylvia's party is perfect - the night staff will want free drinks and they'll be glad to let the nurse cover the wing.

Nurse: "And you get out and you’re never seen again?"
Nikki: "I can’t afford to leg it. I’ve got my lawyer applying for my appeal. All I need is just this one night."
Nurse: "I should report you right now for talking like this."
Nikki: "Three thousand quid."

In the kitchen, Yvonne's got a plan for the women working Bodybag's party - they'll sew plastic bags into their pants and dump leftover booze right in the pouches.

It takes a minute for the others to catch on, though.

Nikki and Babs are talking, and Nikki tells her the plan for tomorrow nite.

Babs: "Please tell me you’re joking."
Nikki: "Been done before."
Babs: "Nikki, they are not going to leave an agency nurse in charge of the night patrol, I don’t believe it."
Nikki: "I thought you’d have known by now. What screws ought to do and what they get away with...it’s criminal."

Visiting Room. Yvonne's waiting for her Charlie.

Sylvia gets on her walkie talkie: "Hello, Gate - this is Zulu. Has the Atkins escort arrived?"

Hee! That Sylvia's code name is 'Zulu' always makes me laugh.

After a moment, Sylvia tells the officer to take Yvonne back to her cell. Charlie's not coming.

Yvonne: "This is some kind of a joke, right?"
Sylvia: "He said he doesn’t want to see you again, and that’s from the horse’s mouth."

Yvonne: "But Charlie wouldn’t do this to me, he just wouldn’t!" (starts to cry).
Sylvia: "Let’s get you a cup of tea."

Mealtime. The Julies bring Crystal breakfast. She's due to be released, but doesn't want to eat her porridge (or something like that, I haven't been paying attention. Maybe I'm confusing her with Goldilocks).

Dominick tells Crystal's there's a problem with...something, and her release has been delayed.

Yvonne's cell. Fenner comes in.

Fenner: "Looking a bit down in the mouth today, Atkins. Oh, of course, your old man’s dumped you, hasn’t he? Shame. Another woman, was it?"
Yvonne: "Piss off, Fenner."

Fenner: "Not Renee Williams by any chance?"
Yvonne: "And look what happened to her."
Fenner: "And to think you tried to rub her old man out for them? That’s life, ey?"

Screws Office. Di is showing off the anniversary gift for Bodybag - a clock. Engraved on the back is: 'To Sylvia and Bobby, 30 years and still going strong. From all your friends on G-Wing.'

Crystal walks in. She wants her bus fare and she wants it now. 

Dominick leaves to see what's holding up her release and Di offers to make her tea. Crystal sits and stares at Sylvia's clock. Like sand through an hour glass ticks of the second-hand, so are the days of your life, Crystal.

Hallway. Shell approaches Karen and Fenner and asks for a word in private with Betts. The foster family wants to adopt her daughters.

Karen: "Well, are you happy with that?"

Shell: "They sound nice. I can’t thank you enough, Miss, for what you’ve done for me. None of it’s got out, about well, you know. You never said nothing, did ya?"
Karen: "I told you I wouldn’t."
Shell: "Well, ain’t many screws stick by what they say."

G-Wing. Guess Dominick straightened out Crystal's paperwork cuz she is out. the. door. Everyone says good-bye and wishes her well.

Bye bye Crystal! If there is a God, I pray this is the last we see or hear from you.

G-Wing. The nurse pushes her cart to Nikki's cell.

Nurse: "Can I change your dressing now?"
Nikki: "Sure."

She shuts the door and hands Nikki a box.

Nurse: "Stuff’s in here."
Nikki: "Right."
Nurse: "ID card’s in the pocket. Coat will be on locker 20 in the locker room."

The nurse is getting nervous, though.

Nikki: "Just keep thinking about getting on that plane to Australia."

Later, at lockup, Nikki arranges a brown wig on her pillow to make it look like she's in bed.

Barbara: "I wish I could talk you out of this."

Don't you fucking dare, Babs!

Larkhall...Ballroom? Sylvia's party.

Sylvia and her husband, Bobby, have turned out in all their.....finery.

Ok, I know I'm just an ignorant American, but what the hell?? Bobby looks like every bad British stereotype I've ever seen. It's all I can do to not call him "Jeeves."

Bobby's been looking forward to meeting Karen so he can "sort her out."

Bobby: "I’ve heard a lot about you, Karen."
Karen: "I’m sure most of it bad."
Bobby: "I’m not saying it’s easy running a prison wing. But it seems to me you were a bit hasty demoting my wife here."
Karen: "Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?"

She walks away. And I think that was damn diplomatic of Karen.

Di Barker's all glammed out and spots Dominick coming in, practically falling over herself to get to him.

Di: "Dominick! Hi."
Dominick: "Is it new, the dress?"
Di: "Do you like it? I was dead scared I wasn’t going to find anything. But then, I thought, it’s an occasion, what the hell, show a bit of flesh."

The words "bit of flesh" out of Di's mouth make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Dominick: "I need a drink."

Grab the whole bottle, Dom. Trust me on this.

And Bobby's found his way back to Karen. He wants to dance with her later.

Fenner (walks up and hands Karen a wine): "Saw you were in need."
Karen: "Thanks, Jim."
Bobby: "Sylvia told me you two had kissed and made up."
Fenner: "Oh yes, we’ve definitely done that."
Bobby (leaving): "I’ll find you later, Karen."
Karen (to Jim): "Do you have to be so obvious?"

Funny, I'd think it'd be his vile, loathsome scumbaggery that bothers you, Karen, not his stating of the obvious.

Yvonne and Shell watch the crowd.

Yvonne: "‘Ere, I thought you said Betts was alright."
Shell: "She is. Best governor we’ve had."
Yvonne: "Yeah? Well what’s she doing all over that slimey bastard, then?"
Shell: "Pffft. Miss Betts wouldn’t touch Fenner."
Yvonne: "I’d say she was shagging him."

Sweet! That's for trying to wind Yvonne up earlier, Shell.

The Julies come over.

Yvonne: "Here, I thought we’d give old Bodybag a present for her anniversary."
Julie S: "Ey?"
Julie J: "I’m not giving that old cow nothing."

Yvonne: "Ah, that’s a pity, I was going to slip her an E."
Shell: "What? A whole one? She’ll go up like a sodding rocket."
Julie J: "Give it here."

Karen comes over and tells the women to go hand out drinks.

Shell: "Miss, I know I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, but you know I’ve never lied to you about Mr. Fenner."
Karen: "Well, what’s brought all this on?"
Shell: "He did hit me, Miss. You know he did."


And in the epi's most cringesome scene, Di's trying to get Dom to dance, by shimmying up on him.

Di: "Oh, c’mon, what are you waiting for?"
Dominick: "I’m not a very good dancer."
Di: "You just wriggle your body."

GAH! I have to look away. Just posting this screen cap nearly blew out my monitor (okay, I've got a thing about crazy stalker chicks).

Just then, Di's dress strap breaks. "Oh God! I’ll just go and get this fixed." Mercifully, she leaves. And I can breathe once more.

While Yvonne and Shell watch, Julie J hands Sylvia her special anniversary drink.

Sylvia: "Oh, thank you!"
Hee.

Back on G-Wing, the nurse takes the keys from the night staff. "Have a good party," she tells him.

In Nikki's cell, she's all bewigged and incognito. I'm hoping she puts on a big pair of Jackie O sunglasses.

The nurse comes in and leads Nikki through the hallways to the staff lockers. "The locker room’s just there. Good luck."

Nikki finds the coat but just as she pulls it on, bumps into Di. Thankfully, Di's too preoccupied with her dress strap to really notice, and Nikki's able to walk out.

At the front gate, the officer's draining his beer mug when Nikki walks up. But he doesn't see her since he's calling after his mate for more beer.

Finally, he turns to Nikki. "Sorry, sweetheart. What’s your name?"

Nikki: "Ford."
Officer: "You’re not on the list. What time did you come in at?"
Nikki: "12:30."
Officer: "12:30. I’ll fill you in."
Nikki: "Can I go now?"
Officer: "Not unless you want to sleep the night."

With that, he unlocks the gate and....

Woo Hoo!! Run Nikki Run!

Ballroom/Mess Hall. Bobby's giving a speech.

"You all know Sylvia as a hardworking and trusted colleague who’s given her life to the prison service, but I know her as a wife, and a mother to our three children - Constance, Gail, and little Bobby Darren. And she is the best. So, here’s to the next thirty."

He gives her a kiss and Karen steps forward with the present. Which Sylvia tears out of her hands and rips open. Except it's not the clock.

Karen: "What's going on, Di?"
Sylvia: "Oh, never mind it now. Let’s have another dance. (to the band) Something from the 50’s, boys! Come on, Bobby!"

And proceeds to do some....crazy, e-fueled jig.

I really can't do justice to this scene - all I can say is I once saw The Wizard of Oz while tripping, and I swear Sylvia played one of the munchkins.

Outside Larkhall, Nikki jumps on a bus.

Back at the party, Bobby wants to sit and have a beer, but Sylvia pulls him back onto the dance floor.

Fenner (calls out): "Another glass of red for Miss Betts, please."
Karen: "Wish you’d stop topping me up, Jim. I’m losing count."
Shell: "That’s four so far, Miss. That right, Mr. Fenner?"

Karen (looks at Jim): "Oh for Christ’s sake" (puts the wine down).
Fenner: "Relax. Come on, let’s go dance."
Karen: "No."

He walks away annoyed and Shell just smiles.

Outside Helen's house. Nikki rings the bell.

Helen opens the door.

"Nikki! What the f...?!"

Nikki: "I’ve got to talk to you."
Helen (slams the door): "No. No!"

Nikki: "Helen! Helen, Please! For christ’s sake, let me in! Look, it’s okay, no one knows I’m here. It’s only for tonight. Helen!!"

Ballroom/Mess Hall.

Di: "I’m really sorry about your clock, Syl."
Sylvia: "Di, what’s a clock between friends? ‘Cause that’s what we are. All of us who work in this dump. We’re family and we need to stick together."

Di: "Aw, that’s a lovely thing to say."
Sylvia (pulls her onto the dance floor): "C’mon, let’s have a boogie!"

At the bar, Shell goads Fenner.

Shell: "Not talking to Miss Betts no more?"
Fenner: "Shut it."
Shell: "She can see right through you."
Fenner: "Oh yeah? That why she’s invited me back to her place?"
Shell (laughs): "A prick like you? You must be joking."
Fenner: "I might."

He takes his drink from the bartender. Shell doesn't look happy.

Helen's house. Nikki's pounding on the door. "If you don’t let me in, I’m gonna smash your bloody window! I’ve got to see you!"

Part of me really wants to see her pull a Gia here and just smash the window in. But just then, Helen walks towards the door.

Ballroom/Mess Hall. Bobby just wants to sit and have a beer.

Sylvia: "But this is our night. Get up."
Bobby: "I’m exhausted."
Sylvia: "Hmm. Well, that’s nothing new."

Sylvia: "There’s always some excuse, isn’t there? Too tired, sore back (to everyone). He says it’s carrying the coffins. I think there’s something wrong in the waterworks department, if you know what I mean."
Bobby: "That’s enough, Sylvia."
Sylvia: "I don’t know why I waste my time with you."

So she grabs Dominick by his tie and pulls him onto the dance floor. "You haven’t danced all night, you."

And starts kissing on his neck.

Sweet jesus - Dom's had one hell of a night. If anyone deserves a free hit of E, it's him.

Thankfully, Bobby pulls Sylvia off Dom.

Bobby: "Right, that’s it. I’m taking you home to sleep it off."
Sylvia: "Oh, get lost."
Bobby: "I mean it. You’re making a fool of yourself. People are laughing."
Sylvia: "Yes, at you."

Bobby: "I’m leaving. If you don’t come home with me right now, I’m going to lock you out."

Sylvia's response?

So Jeeves leaves.

Helen's house. Nikki stands inside while Helen paces. And yells. "Nikki, I am an employee of the home office! Do you have any idea?"

Nikki: "Don’t worry, I’m not going to get caught."
Helen: "You are completely mad!"

Nikki: "I love you. When I thought I’d pissed you off I didn’t know how I could live. Then, I got this chance. I just want to make the most of it. We’ve got a whole night together."

Helen (pushes her away): "No, Nikki, this is not the way."
Nikki (pulls her back): "Tell me you love me."

Helen sighs. And kisses Nikki.


Over and over again. Then tears her shirt open.


And pushes her down on the settee.

Ok, so I took some liberties here and threw in a pic from the deleted scene.  I'm sure most of you won't complain  :)
(In fact, if anyone's got screen caps from the deleted scene that you can send me, I'll happily, happily recap this scene. Either leave a comment below or PM me. Also, I'll love you forever).

Just the Mess Hall.

Yvonne, the Julies and Shell are cleaning up, with trays of half-empty wine and beer glasses.

Yvonne: "Here, just bung ‘em all on the table and we’ll sort them out later."

Di's still clocking Dom's every fucking move. When she finally spots him, he says he's leaving. Why, so is she!

Di: "Should we share a cab?"


Dom looks less than enthusiastic.

Karen and Jim fight. He wants to dance, then fuck, but she wants to put Sylvia in a cab.

Karen: "Sylvia."
Sylvia: "What?"
Karen: "You’ll have to go home."
Sylvia: "I am NOT going home to that man!"

She staggers backwards. And falls right on the table with all the wine and beer. Bodybag and booze come crashing down.


Yvonne: "Oh, shit."
Karen: "Come on, Sylvia, let's get you up."
Julie S: "I hope she bloody hurt herself."


Sylvia: "Oh, Bobby. Where’s my Bobby?"

Home braising his sideburns meatballs?


Helen's house. Nikki and Helen are in bed (hallelujah!)


Helen: "Shhh. It’s alright, sweetheart, I’m here."
Nikki: "I’m so happy."
Helen: "You’re amazing."


Nikki: "So are you. I’ve imagined this so many times. I can’t believe I’ve really got you. Everything’s possible now. A whole future."

Helen: "Nikki. Sweetheart, you know I’ve got to get you back to Larkhall."
Nikki: "What?"
Helen: "Now, before anyone notices that you’ve gone."
Nikki: "Don’t be stupid. I can’t go back there till the morning shift, think about it."
Helen: "Shit" (rolls over).
Nikki: "Come here."

She kisses Helen’s back and notices Helen trying to hide something on the nighttable.

Nikki: "What’s that?"


Helen: "It’s a letter from your solicitor. I’m sorry sweetheart, it’s bad news."




Cab. Di and Dom ride to her house first.


It actually pains me to watch Di - she just strews little bits of batshittery wherever she goes.

Di gets out and makes a whole show of trying to find her keys. When Dom gets out to help, she talks him into coming in for coffee.

Just then, Di's mother calls out. "Di, is that you?!"

Dominick: "Is that your mother?"
Di: "Yeah."
Dominick: "Yeah, it’s best not to disturb her, ey?"
Di: "Well, um..."
Dominick: "See ya."

...and practically sprints back to the cab.

Di throws down her bag and stomps up the stairs.

Di's Mother: "Di! I’ve wet meself!"
Di (annoyed): "Yes, alright, I’ll be down in a minute."

In her room, Di sits at her vanity, which she's transformed into the Altar of Dom - there are little pictures of him everywhere - there's his passport, even his name tag from the prison.


Seriously. Krazy McFucking Krazy.

G-Wing. In Yvonne's cell, she scoops a cup of wine out of her pants pouch. Ah, nothing like ending the day with a nice glass of Chianti Cunté, Vino de Venus, Beaver Bordeaux, Pouilly-Pussié...

(Oh, don’t act all shocked – did you really expect anything less from me?)

Yvonne starts to take a sip, but sees Charlie's picture. And throws the wine at him instead.



Cut to....Crystal?? Fuck! Fine - Josh shows up and she goes home with him. Oh, and she stole Sylvia's clock (which is just like...really?? She stole a clock inscribed to Sylvia & Bobby)? That right there's some triflin' shit. Also, how did she get it out of the screws lounge? Did she crutch it? Damn me and my inquiring mind - now I've got that horrible image in my head. And "Timex - it takes a licking and..." Gah! Please make it stop.

Helen's house. And not a moment too soon.

Helen: "It’s not the end of the line. It’s not. Claire said she’s going to go right ahead and apply to the Criminal Cases Review Commission. She’s gonna come in and see you about it next week. You’re not going to give up!"


Nikki: "You’re kidding. No way."

Helen: "Well good, because neither am I. (pause). I love you, Nikki."



Nikki: "Enough to give everything up for me?"
Helen: "Yeah, you know how much."

Nikki: "I’m not going back to that prison, Helen. Not after this. This is my last chance now."


Nikki: "If I go back I just know I’m going to be there until I’m bloody fifty. You won’t wait that long for me."
Helen: "Nikki, it wouldn’t be that long. If the CCRC takes up your case..."

Nikki: "If, If, if! What if they don’t? Do you really think I could handle that? ‘Cause I’m telling you after what we’ve been through this week, I just know I’d go totally mad. We’ve got to run for it. Tonight."

Helen: "Nikki, you are talking absolute crap!"
Nikki: "I can get a passport, Trish can help me."
Helen: "We are not going on the run!"


Nikki: "No. No, of course, that’d be stupid. I’ll go on ahead. I can be out of the country before they even miss me. San Francisco. And then when the heat’s off, you can come and join me."
Helen: "Nikki..."

Nikki: "If...you love me enough."

Helen: "What kind of life would that be for us?"
Nikki: "Better than if we wait for bloody justice. It’s true, Helen, you know it is."
Helen: "No! No, no, no it isn’t! Don’t even think about this. This is not an option!"



Nikki: "It’s the only one we’ve got. Say you’ll do it."
Helen: "I can’t. I can’t."
Nikki: "Yes, you can. You will. I’ve gotta go now."


Helen: "No, Nikki."
Nikki: "I’ll tell you where I am. I’ll wait for you. I’ve got to go. I need a cab. You got a number? Darling, please. Please trust me."


Helen: "Okay, go get ready."

Nikki leaves the room. Helen stares at the phone. Then dials 999.


Operator: "Emergency services."

G-Wing. It's lockup time. Jim's in Shell's cell.

Fenner: "Right, that’s it. Bedtime."
Shell: "Jim?"
Fenner: "What?"
Shell: "I miss ya."


Fenner: "Yeah? Well, you blew it. "
Shell: "You gonna sleep with Betts tonight, ain't ya? (pause) Can’t I just have a little kiss? I know it don’t mean nothing to ya - not now, you're with her."

Jim shuts the door. "You’re learning, love."

They fall back on the bed.


...where Shell pulls out a broken bottle.




Now THAT'S what I call a cliffhanger! Does Nikki lam it to SanFran or does she just go bottle blonde? Does Helen drop a dime or does she don a wig for love? Does Shell get Jim in the goolies or does she drink Chianti with fava beans?




PS - I had to write this recap quickly, and feel like I kinda gave it short shrift, considering they finally had SEX. So, ya know, if anyone has those screen caps, they'd go a long way towards perking this recap up ;)