Losing It, S2.6

We open in Karen's office, where's Sylvia's getting a bollocking for the Mad Tessa mix-up. As usual, she's got a million and one excuses for why it’s not her fault.

But Karen’s sick of Sylvia’s attitude: “cutting corners, offhand with inmates and officers alike, always complaining.”

She sentences Sylvia to an exercise regiment. Heh. Sylvia's mortified.

Zandra's on the medical wing with the incomparably incompetent Dr. NoNo. He tells her she has low blood-pressure, but says "it doesn't even mean a lot. It's when it's high that you have to worry."

Zandra: "Well, it must mean something."
Dr. NoNo: "Really? I'll get you a second opinion, shall I?"

Why, you arrogant, pasty-faced, motherfucking quack. The epi's just started and already I'm getting angry. In fact, MY blood pressure's starting to climb. So is Zandra's.

Dr. NoNo gives Zandra an eye exam and concludes she needs glasses; that's why she's suffering those crippling headaches.

Nikki's getting used to her new cellmate, Barbara. Seems Barbara's in for manslaughter.

Barbara: "My husband, Peter, was dying of cancer. He was in terrible pain. In the end, he couldn't stand it any longer and he asked me to help him along. Begged me, in fact."

In walks Fenner. He generously offers to escort Barbara to breakfast. Glancing at Nikki, he tells her, "don't worry about Wade - we'll get you out of here as soon as we can."

Too bad, Barbara, cuz Nikki looks HOT today:

You sure you still want out of her cell??

Barbara asks why Nikki's there.
Nikki: "Same as you. Manslaughter. Only with me, it was for real."

Dominick brings Zandra back to the wing. He asks what the doctor said. Zan explains that...well, he said nothing: "They just tell you to 'piss off' if you ask anything. It's like we deserve to be ill."

Talk about it, Zandra!

Dom wants to go back and talk to NoNo but Zan tells him not to. She confesses, "I need specs, don't I?" Dominick's relieved and just laughs. But Zandra's unhappy.

Dominick: "If it's your looks you're worried about, stay off the smack."
Zandra says she is. "You asked me to, didn't you? Well, I'm doing it. For you."

Ok, they make a very cute couple. I have a good feeling about the two of them.

Breakfast. Nikki and Barbara are sitting together, and Shell just can't resist:

Shell: "New girlfriend, Wade? Who goes on top, you or her?"
Nikki: "Shut it, Dockley" (walks away).
Shell (to Barbara): "You ain't got a clue what's going on, have ya?"
Barbara: "I'm sorry, I don't understand."
Shell: "Well, if you can't work it out for yourself, darlin', just keep your knickers on after dark, that's all."
Barbara (alarmed): "What?"
Shell (makes hysterically rude and universal gesture with her tongue): "Lesbo, inn't she?"

Scared. To. Death.

And GAH! It's Josh and Sister Christian. In the kitchen. With the bible. (now if only he'd bludgeon her with it - THAT would be worth recapping. But until/unless he does, there will be no more wasting of blog space on them).

Karen's Office. For his role in stopping Mad Tessa, Jim was eligible for a medal. He magnanimously declined it, however:

Fenner: "It's nothing special, what I did. I said you should get it, instead."
Karen: "That's very noble of you, Jim."

Fenner: "Why do you have to say it like that?"
Karen: "You did very well the other day, you know. It's just, you don't have to overdo it."
Fenner: I'm not a complete shit, you know."

So just a 95% shit, then?

Group therapy. Zandra says she's going back into detox. She wants to kick for good - she's tired of letting people down. Especially Dominick. The shrink warns her that "doing it to please others will only get you so far."

Shell (interrupts): "Girls are always doing that, though. Pleasing men. That's what they're born for."
Shrink: "Why do you say that?"
Shell: "Well it's like men can do what they want. No one cares what women think, it's just men. Bastardy men!"

Couldn't that just mean Shell's a feminist? Or a lesbian? Yes, a sociopathic feminist or lesbian, but still...

Shell (now far, far away): "I hear 'em at night. Laughing. When I'm asleep. Dreamin'. Men come into my room, stinkin' of beer."

She goes on and on about the "bad man" and how she wakes up in cold sweats. The shrink probes a little more - "do you know him? can you describe him?" - but the bell rings, signaling the end of group.

Shrink: "Ok, we'll pick this up tomorrow, shall we?"

Er, 'scuse me Shrink Lady, but aren't you forgetting something? Like that emotionally raw and open inmate in front of you?? The one in a fucked up fugue state of memories? Maybe you wanna spend five minutes after group talking to her?

Nope! There should be NO problem letting Shell walk around like that!

Jesus, between the medical staff and the psych staff there, I'd just keep my fucking mouth shut. And hope like hell I didn't catch a brain tumor or something.

Nighttime. Nikki's cell. A very nervous Barbara putters about, trying to ignore a very naked Nikki undressing (with her back modestly turned). After a very quick peek in the mirror at Nikki's very nice ass, Barbara crawls into bed with her bathrobe clasped very tightly 'round her neck. And lies very, very still.

'Night, Babs! Sleep tight! Don't let the lesbians bedbugs bite!

The Julies' cell. Julie J looks out the window and sees Bodybag, in a track suit from 1985, running laps. Well, not really 'running' so much as...shuffling. Laughing in delight, the women whoop and holler down at Sylvia.Who is not amused.

The sight of Bodybag's track suit gives Zan another painful headache.

The women tease her about Dominick. And having to wear glasses. Zandra, near tears, runs out.

Barbara knocks on the Officer's Lounge. She needs to talk to someone about Nikki. Lucky for her, Fenner's all ears.

Group therapy. Zandra's talking when Shell suddenly walks in.

Shell: "Sorry I'm late, miss. Not interrupting anything, am I? Oh well, not to worry. I'm gonna be a good little girl from now on, and that's a promise."

She looks like the spawn of Ronald McDonald and Raggedy Ann - if they'd been smoking crack and fucking all night. Now she's completely over the edge - toys in the attic, truly gone fishing kinda crazy.

Oh Shell - I much prefer you campy and trampy than all regressing and confessing.

What follows is a bizarre show & tell that reveals Shell's sexual abuse. Finally, the Shrink says, "I think it might be a good idea if you and I talked on our own for a bit at the end of the session."

Grrrrrr.... ya think??!

Cut to Nikki's cell. Where she's taking a piss. Literally. She's sitting on the toilet while Barbara does her best to not look (but she sneaks a peek anyway). Nikki finishes and Fenner walks in.

Fenner: "Well, well, Wade. I might've known you couldn't keep yourself under control."
Nikki: "What are you talking about?"

Fenner: "You've been flaunting your bits and pieces apparently. Poor Barbara's got enough on her plate without you coming on strong to her. Show a bit of modesty, if you know what that means."

He tells Barbara not to worry: "We'll get you out of here as soon as we can." To Nikki: "Meantime, Wade, keep your dykey fingers to yourself."

"Bits and pieces??" My new favorite expression! It sounds like a brand of cat food - so, kinda appropriate if you like pussy!

Shell and the Shrink are still talking about men. Shell tells her "they want sex off me. And if they don't get it, they take it anyway." And apparently it's been going on her whole life.

In Nikki's cell, she's upset with Barbara for talking to Fenner.

Barbara: "I didn't say any of those things he said!"
Nikki: "Well, what did you say, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I just said I was nervous about sharing a cell with a...."
Nikki: "A dyke?"
Barbara: "I never mentioned that word. He had no right to say those things to you. I feel terrible now."

Nikki: "Good. Then you know how I feel. I hope you get your move. Maybe you'll get put in with Dockley. Or how does a junkie sound, jacking up every night in the bunk opposite? That make you feel safer?"
Barbara: "I'm really sorry, Nikki."
Nikki: "I don't care, darling! I'll be happy to be alone again. Oh, and as for fancying you, get real. Even if I was available, I wouldn't touch you with a cattle prod!" (walks out).
Karen's Office. She's meeting with the Shrink and says, "so you are getting somewhere with Dockley?"
Shrink: "Faster than I thought. Scary, though."
Karen: "Well, we are doing the right thing, aren't we?"
Shrink: "It's not an exact science, Karen."

Gah! I HATE this fucking shrink! Karen didn't ask about the Periodic Chart, you goddamned twit.

She tells Karen that Shell needs support: reward her good behavior, go easy on the bad. "It's the only way. Right now, she's a powder keg."

But since the Shrink missed the "diffusing powder kegs" class in shrink school, Karen's on her own with Shell.

Gym. The Julies and Denny look on as Bodybag struggles to do sit-ups. That room should've been packed with cons, by the way. I can't imagine any inmate there missing this. Predictably and hilariously, Sylvia twists her neck.

Bedtime and lockdown. Jim and Dom hustle women to their cells, but when Dom innocently touches Shell's arm, a bitch starts to break.

Shell: "Get your hands off me! What you tryin' to do, rape me?"

Hapless Dom is stunned.

Shell: "I'm sick of men touching me up in this place. That's all you ever do! You spy on us through the peep holes, you watch us on the bog."

Denny and the other women start yelling and cheering her on.

Shell: "What kind of man works in a women's prison, anyway? A sick perv, that's what! Can't pull on the outside so you come here for easy pickins!"

Karen comes thru and breaks it up, taking Shell to her cell. In the dorm, Crystal thinks Shell's gone mad, Denny thinks Shell's on the money, and Zan says Shell was "practically friggin' herself" in the group. Besides, Zandra points out that Dominick's not a perv, and he's better than most of the women screws.

Zandra: "Some of us like men, anyway. We're not all dykes like you, Denny."

Which just inspires another round of "Dominick and Zandra sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g" from Denny (well, that's a loose, American reading of the text).

Zan starts to protest, but is felled by another headache.

When Crystal gives her some water, Zan can't even hold the cup and drops it on the floor. Wow, I guess her eyes really are bad.

Karen's talking to Shell in her cell. Shell insists Dom was "trying it on."

Shell: "You don't see! I can't walk down the landing without them all having a grope. I was gangbanged this morning!"
Karen (sighs): "Look, if you can just toe the line over the next week or so, I might see about getting your job back in the kitchen, now how does that sound?"

It sounds like she needs some fucking help, Karen, not a job in the kitchen.

It sounds good to Shell, tho. She gets all excited but Karen tells her, "it's not a promise. And don't do anything silly."

Shell: "No, no! I could get a knife from the kitchen and kill Mr. Fenner!"

Now didn't Karen just tell you not do anything silly?? Tho I suppose the silly part was just you telling her - shoulda kept that under your hat till you got back in the kitchen, Shell.

The next morning, the women are still griping about pervy screws. Fenner walks into the dorm as Denny's washing up, and she gets all pissy with him. And the Julies give Dominick a hard time.

Screws Lounge. The officers are complaining to Karen. Sylvia says, "it's the sexual abuse nonsense. They've all got it now." Jim and Dominick chime in, but Karen tells them, "it's just a few people playing up. It won't last."

Sylvia: "Shell Dockley's not just playing up. That group therapy's deranged her!"
Karen: "Yeah, well she was deranged a long time ago. And it's our job to find out why."

Well, I'm not exactly sure that was your job, Karen. But as long as you started...

In the showers, Shell grabs Barbara and insists she steal a magic marker. When Barbara protests, Shell threatens her: "do you want me to cut your tits off and make curry out of 'em?"


Um, apparently not. Since Barbara goes and gets Shell that marker.

After the screws' meeting, Karen asks Sylvia why she's wearing the neck brace again. Sylvia explains she's been having "spasms down her neck from all that jogging." Karen looks skeptical, especially when Sylvia calls Dr NoNo 'Malcolm'.

In the hallway, Barbara gives Shell the marker. Let the arts & crafts begin!

She makes Barbara write, "Fenner is a rapist" on the wall. But Shell has to do the illustration herself: a stick figure getting an arrow "right in the goolies."

She walks away just as Nikki turns the corner. And sees the drawing.

Barbara (near tears): "It was Shell!"
Nikki: "Try telling your friend Fenner that."

Oh Babs - you're in the Big House, now. You need to pick your friends a little more carefully.

Sylvia walks onto the wing to all kinds of friendly greetings from the inmates. And is immediately suspicious. But Denny and the Julies insist they're genuinely concerned. Denny explains, "we'd rather have you in charge than any fellow, miss. You're a woman, innit?"

But Sylvia doesn't look so sure. Which makes two of us.

Finally! The goddamned Visiting Room. At long fucking last. Sylvia walks in and stops dead in her tracks. Then grabs her radio: "Jim? Get down to the visitor's room. You've got to see this."

And by 'this', she means this:

"Hiya Nikki."

Ok, I'm officially weak in the knees. Those 2 little words, that one little smile...

Nikki: "I wasn't sure you'd come."

Helen: "I said I would."
Nikki: "Yeah, but it wasn't that long ago I thought I'd never see you again. You still looking for work?"
Helen: "I've got one or two irons in the fire."
Nikki: "Yeah?"
Helen (sighs): "I missed you, Nikki."

Much praise has been given that last line, all of it well-deserved. So much conveyed in Helen's eyes, the way she looks at Nikki. And the way she just breathes out those words.

Nikki: "Missed you. Since you left..."
Helen: "Well, I'm here now."
Nikki: "Till you get bored of coming. Or till you meet someone else, like Trish did."
Helen: "Listen. You never know what's gonna happen."
Nikki: "Yeah, right. Still got nine years to do, remember?"
Helen: "I wanna talk to you about that. I think you should appeal."

And I think you should be showing more cleavage, Helen...

Karen walks into Shell's cell asking about the graffiti. Shell points to her moustache and says Babs drew it on her. And threatened to kill her if she told anyone.

Back in the Visiting Room. By now, Fenner's there with Bodybag, gaping at Helen and Nikki. Sylvia is thoroughly scandalized: "I thought I'd seen it all. But an ex-officer, visiting a con!"

Nikki: "I don't want to be getting my hopes up, just to have 'em dashed."
Helen: Honestly, Nikki, there's been a lot of cases a lot more serious than yours that have had a successful appeal."
Nikki: "Waste of time, innit?"
Helen: "Look, let me put it another way. Will you do it for me?"

Those are the magic words, Helen.

Nikki: "I'd do anything for you. You know that."
Helen: "Good. Well that's it settled."

And....visiting time is over.

Helen: "I'd better go.
Nikki: "I'll see you soon."
Helen: "Yes, you will. Be good. And remember, we're gonna make this work. I promise."

Must you leave so soon, Helen? Can't you just gaze meaningfully into each other's eyes for a few more minutes??

Nikki's cell. Karen's questioning Barbara: "You took the pen from the art room and wrote the graffiti on the wall? And no one told you to do it?"

Barbara: "No, miss."
Nikki (interrupts): "Oh, for Christ's sake. Dockley did it."
Karen: "How do you know?"
Nikki: "I saw it." (nods at Barbara) "You don't really think she did it, do you?"


Now don't you feel stupid, Karen?

After Karen and Dom leave, Barbara thanks Nikki. Who says, "I hate Dockley more than I hate you, darling, that's all."

Speaking of Dockley, she's being put down the block. With the moustache still on her face.

Cut to...some time later. Karen and the Shrink stand outside, listening to Shell call out. The Shrink says they can't keep her there forever.

Nikki's shooting pool when Fenner slithers over. He tells her a letter came for her and they had to open it.

Nikki: "Fenner, if you read my mail, I swear I'll..."
Fenner: "You'll what?"

He says he's only doing his job. "Very affectionate girl, that Helen. Nice turn of phrase." He leans closer to Nikki. "She likes you."

Nikki: "Bastard."

Jim smiles and walks away. Well-played, Fenner, well-played. As much as I hate you(and don't ever doubt I do), I'll admit that was smooth. You might've even caught me out there with that.

Karen's Office. Karen sits with Shell:

Karen: "I'm sorry. There it is. I thought the sessions were helping. I thought you in particular got something from them. Especially as regards to your violent past."
Shell: "He was never violent!"
Karen: "Who wasn't? Shell, who wasn't violent?"

And with that, Karen magically unlocks the key to Shell's past. Somehow, she starts channeling Oprah and Shell spills all: her father abused her, her mother abused her, on and on. And now she's worried about her mother looking after her kids.

Wow, that was easy, Karen! Who needs the Shrink??

Nikki storms into her cell, muttering about Fenner. When Barbara asks, she says Fenner's been opening her letters from Helen and reading them (when and why did Nikki tell Barbara about Helen)??

Barbara's outraged at the affront on their privacy. And Bodybag comes in when Nikki starts kicking things.

Sylvia: "Hey, hey, what's going on?"
Nikki: "Where's my mail?"
Sylvia: "What makes you think you've got any?"
Nikki: "There was a letter for me this morning!"

Sylvia: "No, there wasn't."
Nikki (yelling): "Yes, there was! Fenner's got it!"
Sylvia: "He had nothing to do with the mail this morning. I did it. Why? Expecting something from someone, were you? Looks like she's forgotten you."

And she leaves. Nikki realizes Fenner was winding her up.

Barbara asks if they read everyone's mail. When Nikki says Barbara's mail is safe, she offers to play intermediary, sending letters for Helen and Nikki.

And so Barbara starts on the path to redemption.

In the dorm, Zan's trying on her new glasses. Dominick watches from the doorway. He asks how she's feeling, but her head still hurts.

Dominick: "Let me know if it doesn't get any better, yeah? See you later, Groucho!"
Zandra (smiling broadly): "Piss off!"

Karen and Jim are in her office. She tells him she has to stop the group therapy.

Fenner: "I just don't think prisons are ready for it."
Karen: "That's my reservation, as well."

Wait, so what about Shell? You crack her head open like a coconut, poke and prod while all that crazy comes pouring out, and...what? Just leave her like that? Isn't that what they call "a breakthrough" in therapy?

Bah, Karen! You're starting to piss me off now, too.... Before Jim leaves, he gives her a newspaper clipping: "Glad to see she's on the mend."

The library (yay)! Nikki's reading. And who should come tiptoeing in behind her?

Helen (checks out the book): "That's a bit heavy going for a no-hoper like you."
Nikki: "What are you doing here?"
Helen: "One of those irons in the fire I was telling you about."
Nikki: "You ... you got a job here?"

Helen: "Prison Service Professional."
Nikki: "What?!"
Helen: "I'm working for Area Management - special program for women lifers. I'm back on your case. Literally."

They giggle and laugh and flirt. And OMG, just KISS her already!! Your tongue is halfway there, Helen - just lean in an inch or so!

Shell is being let back onto the wing. Dominick says that it's nice to have her back.

Shell: "Do you really mean that, sir?"
Dominick: "Yeah, of course I do."
Shell: "I'm gonna try really hard this time, sir. I don't wanna go down the block again. Ever. I wanna be here with my friends."

Aw, she looks so fucking earnest when she says it, I almost believe she'll be fine. And she does look relieved to be back.

Karen calls Sylvia to her office. Karen asks about her neck - Bodybag says she's "soldiering on." Her Bobby doesn't want her working, but what's a girl to do?

Karen asks about Bobby, her 'partner' - and shows Sylvia the clipping Jim gave her: apparently Sylvia's been dancing in competitions. Bad neck and all. Sylvia starts to lie, but Karen interrupts.

Karen: "Don't dig yourself in deeper, Sylvia. I don't like liars, and I don't like skivers. One more slip. I did think four weeks training would be enough - I'm extending it to three months now. And if I see you in that neck brace again, I'm gonna rip it off and stick it where the sun don't shine!"

Oh, SNAP! I take back whatever I said about you earlier, Karen!

The Julies are on the wing with Zandra - they wanna give her a makeover. Karen and Dom come strolling thru, and Karen asks how Shell seemed. "A lot better," Dominick assures her.

Suddenly, Denny gives out a shriek and all eyes follow hers to...

Yep, right out of an old B-movie: "Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy's...Deranged, Suicidal Sister."

Shell: "Come on, Mr. Fenner! Why don't you string me up like Rachel Hicks? It's what you want, innit?"


And since I miss it when they don’t have them, here are my Nightcalls:

“Denny – you scream like a girl!”
“Zandra – your new specs are sexy!”
“Yvonne – where the fuck ya been?!”
“Karen – please shove that brace up Bodybag’s ass!”
“Shrink – piss off, ya goddamn twat!"
“Helen – just...YUM.”
“Nikki - my girl. Keep the faith!”

“Shell - ...sigh...”