The Set Up, S2.7

We open with a meeting in the Screws Lounge. Jim walks in late and Karen starts, "now that we’re all here, I know there’s no need for introductions. You all know Helen...”

Fenner freezes and looks up...

to see Helen glaring right back at him.

That's right, bitch...she's BACK.

Karen says Helen is working on a project for women lifers, who are now her primary responsibility.

Helen adds, “although I’m here as part of Area Management, I’m not here to get involved in the running of Larkhall in any way. Nor am I responsible to the prison governor. Just think of me as a civilian worker.”

A civilian worker with very nice cleavage. Who's NOT responsible to the governor.

And who has very nice cleavage. Did I mention that already?

Karen says that Shell is under observation on the hospital wing "where I hope she'll get the treatment to help sort out her problems."

Let's hope so, Karen. After all, it's not like you could've gotten her the treatment she needed, right?

Meeting over, Fenner heads to Yvonne's cell.

(what the fuck with that shirt?)

Eager to continue their scheme, Fenner asks if she's sent Charlie a VO. Of course she has - it's Yvonne!

But Jim's been doing some thinking.  "I'm the one with my balls on the block if you get caught."
Yvonne: "We pay you. That should soften the blow."

Apparently, not enough.  Jim whines that he's risking his job and pension. He tells Yvonne to "think of it as an introductory offer. You can smile at each other across a table in the Visitor's Room if you like. But I bet it don't feel the same."

Nikki's cell. Morning unlock. Bodybag opens the door: "Alright, let's have you."

Nikki: "In your dreams, love."

In my nightmares.

Sylvia tells Barbara's to report to the Screw's Lounge - she has a new job as a cleaner.

Yvonne's on the phone: "No surprises, Charlie. Fenner's getting greedy again. He reckons he's taking all the risks when we're getting all the action. (laughs) He's not wrong, is he? So whaddya reckon we should do about him then?"

Breakfast line. Nikki's on the lookout for Helen, who does not disappoint. Upon her arrival, Nikki steps out, on cue: "Do you want to come back to my place?"


Why, yes Nikki. Yes, she does.

Nikki's cell. Helen closes the door behind them.

Helen: "So, come on, how come you're still on Basic? Have you not worked out yet how to be a good girl?"

Oh....the many, naughty replies that spring to mind.  I bite my tongue...hard.

She sits down next to Nikki.

Nikki: "You know me, Helen. As long as my gob's open, I'm getting into trouble."
Helen: "Fenner." (Nikki nods). "Nikki, just keep out of his way."
Nikki: "Yeah, I'll try. Look Helen, don't think I don't appreciate what you're trying to do for me. I've got more reason to get out of here than I've ever had. But the reality is, it's going to be 9 years before they let me out."

Helen: "Look, this job gives me access to the files on all the lifers here. That means your files - trial details, directions by the judge, updates on parole, everything."

Nikki: "So?"
Helen: "So maybe I can find something that will get you out of here."
Nikki: "Like a magic key?"
(ha!!)

Helen: "Come on, Nikki. I'm serious."
Nikki: "Helen, I know what I'm missing. And I am not prepared to spend the next 9 years living in false hope, expecting to get out early."

Helen: "It won't be false hope if we make it happen."
Nikki: "Maybe I think I'm lucky."

Helen: "Lucky?"
Nikki: "I'm locked up in here and I can still touch you." (reaches out to touch Helen's hair)
Helen: "No, Nikki" (she stands). "Look, I know that I'm not the governor anymore, but you're still a prisoner - we still have to be careful."

Nikki: "Yeah, I know. I understand that."
Helen: "Look, if there's anything in those files - a witness that wasn't brought forward, evidence that was left out, I'll find it."
Nikki: "Thank you."
Helen: "I've got to go. I'll see you."
Nikki: "See you."

Helen leaves the wing and runs shit smack into Fenner.

Fenner: "Helen? Glad to be back?"
Helen: "Not entirely. But then there's no reason I should have anything to do with you at all, is there, Jim?"

He asks about her "reunion."

Fenner:  "You and Wade. I have to admit, I didn't realize you were that way inclined. But the signs were there, I suppose."

Ha, I can't help it! I giggle for a good 5 minutes. Then I curse Fenner out. Then I giggle some more.

But Helen's had enough of this conversation. Fenner warns her that "no one wants to make any embarrassing discoveries." He asks if Simon's aware of the situation - Helen says (not that it's any of his business) that yes, Simon knows she's written and visited Nikki.

Screws' Lounge. Sylvia instructs Barbara on the finer points of dusting. When Babs says she knows how to clean, Sylvia gives her detailed instructions on the finer points of tea brewing.

Barbara: "Miss? I was wondering about joining the church."

Sylvia makes a snarky comment about jailhouse conversions (a Brit-specific reference that goes over this Yank's head).

Barbara (offended): "I'm not a convert, I was brought up a Christian."
Sylvia: "A Christian, ey? Shame ya had to murder your husband then. Should've known better."

So if I kill Bodybag now, can I claim I didn't know better, not being a Christian and all?

On the wing, Zandra's trying to read her horoscope in a magazine, but the page is all blurry. Frustrated, she flings her new glasses to the ground.

Shit, does that mean you can't tell me what it says for Pisces, Zandra??

Di Barker tries to calm her down, but Zandra's too upset.

Ok, I'll read Zandra's horoscope for her: "Beware of incompetent authority figures. Stay away from H, and stick with Dominick."

In the bathroom.  Zandra collapses in a stall and starts seizing. The door's locked so it's Di Barker to the rescue! She climbs over the top but Zandra's nonresponsive.

Yvonne cell. She calls to Fenner who comes in smiling.

Fenner: "Have you got some news for me?"
Yvonne: "Well, there's been a development. Four of them, actually."

She gestures to 4 pics of Fenner taped to her wall: him taking money from her Charlie on the golf course. He rips them down. And turns to hit Yvonne but she blocks his arm.

Yvonne: "Oh, no you don't! You're not dealing with some shithead little tart now, Fenner! One bruise on me and Charlie will feed your bollocks to his dogs! And he knows where you live. Where your wife goes shopping. And where your kids go to school."

Oh, I am SO loving Yvonne right now! Fenner's shitting a brick thru a teeny tiny hole in his icy cold sphincter. See, Jim? That's what happens when ya play with the big boys.  And girls.

Back on the wing, the women sit Zandra down. Babs asks what happened, but no one knows. Except for Sylvia, who's sure it's drugs ("drooogs"). That even annoys Di, who snaps "oh, so you're a doctor now, are ya?"

Well, why not? Dr. NoNo calls himself one!

Crystal insists, "It's not drugs, she's off them." To which Sylvia replies, "That's right, and I'm off chocolate fingers."

Not by the looks of it you ain't... (that one's for Yvonne).

That inspires a whole "you're-gonna-burn-in-hell" speech from Sister Christian. YAWN. They take Zandra to Medical while Sylvia and Di toss her cell.

Yvonne's cell. A chastened Fenner concedes: "Maybe I overplayed my hand."
Yvonne: "Ya never had one, mate."

Fenner now wants to keep their arrangement as agreed. But it's too late for that.

Yvonne: "You're not listening, Mr. Fenner. Now, you may be carrying the keys but you're not calling the shots. Not anymore." She still has the negatives for the photos.

Fenner: "Alright. What do you want?"
Yvonne: "Out of here. Out of Larkhall. For good."

Nikki's cell. Barbara's busy scribbling in her diary. When she gets out, she wants to use her notes to write a book so that "people know what really goes on in here." Babs laments that she's got nothing else waiting for her out there - "no one and nothing."

She explains she left her first husband for Peter. "Do you believe in soulmates, Nikki?"
Nikki: "Yeah, I think so."

(you think so? You damn sure better believe, Wade!)

Barbara goes on about Peter and his cancer: "It wasn't murder. I knew God wouldn't see it as murder. But what I did do, was kill the only man I could ever love. My soulmate."

She says that writing gives her a purpose and keeps her sane.

Nikki: "You tell it like it is. Just make sure the screws don't get a sneak preview. And that there's nothing in there about me."

See? Smart. That's why she's my girl.  Are you listening, Babs??

Fenner storms out of Yvonne's cell and into the Screws Lounge where he literally just freaks the fuck out.

Lunchtime. Nikki and Yvonne are on line when Yvonne spots Fenner. She's holding a small photo album.

In a loud voice so Jim can hear, Yvonne asks if Nikki's seen pics of her Charlie.

Yvonne: "'Ere, look. He sent me these pictures of himself playing golf. He loves his golf, does my Charlie. (she calls out) You play golf, don't you, Mr. Fenner? 'Ere, have a look - maybe you two bumped into each other."

Fenner pulls her to the side and says he can't break her out.

Yvonne: "What, a resourceful bloke like you can't come up with a yarn to get us thru those gates?"
Fenner: "What do you mean, 'us'?"
Yvonne: "Well you can escort me."

Fenner claims he can't, but if it's not him, Yvonne won't be responsible for what happens to the screw who does escort her - after all, "Charlie's not the sentimental type."

The Library. Helen sits with Nikki's file, as Nikki's voiceover reads her confession:

"...I stuck what was left of the broken bottle in his neck. He fell to his knees. He was trying to hold the blood in with his hands. I could tell straightaway that he didn’t stand a chance. There was a hell of a lot of blood – I didn’t regret a single drop of it. He tried asking me to help him, stupid bastard. We phoned the police, then. While we waited, I told him why I stabbed him. He knew anyway, course he did, but I told him anyway. He tried to rape Trisha. And you lot were never gonna do anything about it, were ya? He was one of yours, a copper. And I’m glad the bastard’s dead."

So Helen's rather perturbed, to say the least. Then she sees a note from the judge: Nikki has to serve 10 years before she's even considered for parole.

Just then, Karen walks in and asks Helen if she wants a drink. Of course she does! They go to Karen's office and have some wine. And talk about Fenner.

Helen: "Just watch him, Karen. He's a sly bastard."
Karen: "Oh, I know."

I hope you do, Karen. I really hope you do...

Cut to the yard.  Zan's out of Medical and the first thing Crystal asks is if they found drugs. Cuz after all, Bodybag said it was drugs. And so did the brilliant doctors at Larkhall -  Zan's headaches are chalked up to "withdrawal" (since when are crippling headaches and blurry vision symptoms of withdrawal??)

Jim's still brooding in the Officer's Lounge when Karen comes in. She says she had a drink with Helen: "You're not her favorite person, are you Jim? In fact, I'd say you're getting a reputation for upsetting wing governors. Well, female governors, at any rate."

She starts to leave, but Jim says it has nothing to do with, ya know, hating women or anything. Helen's problem was that "she tried too hard."

So Karen asks what his problem with her is.  Fenner says he'd been looking forward to working with Karen when she got there. But then she "backed Dockley."

Clearly Fenner's rattled by the whole Yvonne situation, and he apologizes to Karen.

Oh Karen, please use your head - you can't possibly believe Fenner's bullshit, can you?

Zan's headaches and vision are getting worse. She collapses again on the wing. Barbara's concerned and tells Di that "something has to be done. Now!"

The next morning. Jim unlocks Yvonne's cell: "Morning, Mr. Fenner. I hope you don't suffer from stage fright. Today's the day."

He pushes her back in her cell. He's not prepared for the great escape today, but as Yvonne says if she waits till next week, he might try and double-cross her again.

So Yvonne has a plan: Lauren the moll will visit with bad news about her Charlie. Then, Fenner escorts Yvonne to see him in the hospital. Somewhere between Larkhall and the hospital, Yvonne steps off.

Back in the library. Helen comes looking for Nikki

Helen: "I need to talk to you."
Nikki (with big smile): "Anytime."
Helen: "Do you know how long you're gonna be in here, before anyone even thinks about reviewing your case?"
Nikki: "What you talking about?"
Helen: "Ten years - that's the judge's decision. That's 9 more years, not until they set you free, but before anyone even considers it."
Nikki: "Can't be!"
Helen: "Believe me, I've seen your files. And with your attitude in here, they could keep you in here for another 15 to 20 years."
Nikki: "What?!"
Helen: "That's not the worst of it. Letting you go is up to the Home Secretary. Now, you killed a police officer - it means that they might never let you out of here."

Nikki: "Jesus, I said I was a hopeless case."
Helen: "You're not a hopeless case, Nikki. It's just going to be difficult forming an appeal. I saw the statement you made to the police - you didn't do yourself any favors. The judge said it was cold-blooded murder. Is he right? Is that what you are, a cold-blooded killer?"
Nikki: "No, of course I'm not."

Enter Di Barker. So Helen pretends to work and Nikki pretends to read (I was hoping she'd hold the book upside down).

Finally Di leaves and Nikki gets up, motioning for Helen to follow. Which she does. Right into the art room. And Nikki's lips.


Ha, Nikki even tries to cop a feel...

Until Helen stops her.

Nikki: "It's alright, we're safe here, don't worry."
Helen: "It's not that."
Nikki: "What is it? You gone off me, then?"
Helen: ”Nikki, sit down. I need to talk to you."
Nikki (reaching for her again): “Talking's what you do afterwards."
Helen: "Please!"
Nikki: "Okay."

Now, not to interrupt the delicious flow of....deliciousity, but what the hell just happened? Two seconds ago, Nikki was freaking out that she'd be in prison for life, and earlier, Helen jumped away when Nikki tried to stroke her hair. So how did we go from all that....to making out in the art room?? Mind you, I am SO not complaining, just wondering. I mean, damn - I thought I was moody...

They sit down.

Nikki: "So, what do you want to talk about?"
Helen: "Us. What we're doing."
Nikki: "What we're not doing, you mean."
Helen: "Nikki, I need you to understand. You've turned my life inside out. I thought I knew which way I was going, I was doing the job I wanted to do, I was committed to the man I loved. There's no signposts anymore. I don't know what to expect, except that it won't be normal."
Nikki: "So, what's normal? A husband, a job, 2.4 kids?"

Helen: "I wanted kids one day."
Nikki: "You can still have them. There are ways. Oh look, Helen, you're not abnormal, you're not normal, you're just you. You do what you want to do, what you feel."
Helen: "I wanna do what's best for both of us."
Nikki: "And this is. But Helen, relationships need both people involved in them. Sometimes I feel like I'm on my own. I need to know that you're not just going through the motions."
Helen: "Don't worry, I'm not. Nikki, if I didn't feel the way I feel... I wouldn't be talking like this."

Visiting Room. Lauren the moll comes in crying, as planned. But when she sits down with Yvonne, she tells her it's for real: "the coppers - they nicked Dad early this morning."

Someone ratted Charlie out and it looks like he's locked up for good.

Back in the art room. Nikki and Helen are cuddling and Helen kisses her cheek.

Awwww! This is seriously so sweet, I almost can't stand it. How Helen doesn't sneak her out of Larkhall, I'll never understand. At least, prop a chair under the doorknob and shag her brains out.

Helen: "I've gotta go."
Nikki: "Yeah, sure."
Helen: "What is it, what's the matter?"
Nikki: "You - trying to get me out of here."
Helen: "I will get you out of here."
Nikki: "It's great, Helen, but you can't make it your job description."
Helen: "Can't I? Watch me."
Nikki: "I don't want you ruining your career over me."
Helen: "So what’re you gonna do, tell the governor I'm helping you formulate an appeal? That's a new one!" (they laugh).
Nikki: "I don't want you getting into trouble."
Helen: "Look, I'll make a deal with you - I won't get into trouble if you don't."
Nikki: "You don't give up, do you?"

By way of response:



I think we can safely say Helen does NOT give up.

Di's walking back to the wing when Crystal asks what happened to Zandra. Di says that she was transferred to hospital and they're "doing tests." And she'll be back soon.

Crystal complains it was Dr. NoNo's fault for just giving her glasses. "“There was something else wrong, wasn’t there? It wasn’t her eyes he should’ve been looking at!”

Hmmm... intriguing theory, Crystal.

Outside Larkhall. Fenner's handcuffed to Yvonne in the car, with Bodybag along for the ride.

After a few minutes, Yvonne insists her stomach's bad. She's got the runs and needs a bathroom. They pull over and take her into a pub.

Inside, Jim uncuffs her and Sylvia takes her into the loo: "Alright. Come on, and don't make a meal of it."

Eww, that is so wrong... What the fuck does that even mean? Never mind, I don't wanna know.

Yvonne pushes open the stall but Sylvia stops her. And directs her to the other stall: "No window," she says, proud of herself. "Do ya think I was born yesterday?"

Yvonne: "Not by the look of you, no."

Sylvia gives her two minutes. Yvonne looks around and sees the crawl space between the stalls. All catlike and shit, she writhes her way under the partition.

While Jim waits, he notices a newspaper at the bar. And a big picture of Charlie on the front with the story of his arrest.

He comes running into the loo to find....Yvonne halfway out the window.

Grrrr! damn you, Fenner, damn you to hell!

He pulls her back in, kicking and shrieking. "Time to go back inside!"

Yvonne: "My Charlie's gonna kill you for this!"

Fenner chuckles. And shows her the paper: "I think your Charlie's the one who's dead."

Karen's Office. She gets a phone call from a doctor about Zandra. She's all, "oh, I see." (which is never a good sign).

Yvonne's cell. Fenner comes in to gloat.

Jim: "I wonder if Charlie's got a taste for prison food yet. Breakfast on remand is nothing much."

Yvonne: "You can smirk, Fenner but those negatives still exist, you know."

Jim says Charlie wouldn't want to add 'corrupting an officer' to his charges.

Yvonne: "You thought you were the dog's bollocks once before, Fenner. But I had you hanging by them."
Jim: "And now, Charlie's hanging by his. So where does that leave you? In deep, deep shit." (turns to leave)
Yvonne: "Watch your step. You can slip on shit and break your neck."

Fucking right, Yvonne. He can also slip on polish at the top of the stairs.

Outside.  Zandra comes back from hospital and is met by Karen. Zandra seems to be feeling better and Karen doesn't mention the call.

In Yvonne's cell, she lies on her bed crying and holding a picture of her Charlie.

Some office.  Helen sneaks into a room and starts xeroxing Nikki's file.

Back on the wing, Zandra's greeted by Crystal and Nikki. Who asks how she's feeling. Zandra seems just fine and says, "the doctors gave me some painkillers. They seem to have done the trick!"

Yes, I'm sure they have!

Di and Karen watch her go off to the dorm. Di's got that big ol' goofy grin that she reserves for such occasions. And Karen - well, Karen just looks grim.

They watch Zandra giggle and laugh with her friends.

Di: "It's good to see Zandra back to her old self again."
Karen (forced smile): "Yeah."


Oh, Zandra - you know I love you. And I truly fear for your health. But you're okay for the moment, all doped up and happy.

Yvonne – WAH! Foiled by fucking Fenner... if it helps at all, Lauren the moll will be just fine. And your Charlie? Well, that’ll work itself out, too.

And now I must revel and bask in the magnificence of Helen and Nikki.

(revel....ahhhh.....bask....)