Looking for Love, S2.4

We open with Bodybag in her neck brace - she survived her unfortunate tumble down the stairs. She's back at work because “nothing that murderous lot would like more than to get me off their backs for a few weeks. Well I’m not about to give them the satisfaction.”

Ah, nothing like pure, unadulterated spite to keep you going, eh Syl?

Sylvia expects a full investigation, but Karen says they already did one - alas, no one saw a thing.

Josh is trying to chat up Crystal. Funny, cuz just a few epis ago he was eyeing Lauren the moll AND Denny. Apparently, he’s not that discriminating!

In the kitchen, he tells Crystal that he doesn't deal drugs. She saw him with Denny and he doesn't want her jumping to conclusions.

Crystal: “I’ve been in here long enough to know that what folks say and what they do is two separate things.”
Josh: “Yeah? That apply to you as well?”
Crystal: “You won’t hear no devil’s lie sliding off my tongue.”
Josh (laughs): “So that time you got caught shoplifting, that don’t count, no?”

By way of lame ass justification explanation, Crystal says, “look I ain’t saying I wasn’t a sinner, too. But them rich geezers who run all them shops? Well they’re doing the devil’s work and all. Filling folks head with greed and desire, making ‘em want things they can’t afford. Handbags what cost 250 quid. Dresses what cost thousands. I know what Jesus would do if he was here.”

Why, of course she knows! I bet Jesus himself told her.

Even Josh looks disturbed by this bit o' crazy. “And I suppose you’re gonna tell us all, yeah?”

Yes, Josh.  Yes, she is...

Crystal: “He’d go marching around all them shops, pulling the clothes down from their racks. Throwing fistfuls of jewelry up into the air until they showered back down on all them sinners.”

Crystal actually looks rapturous as she says this. Practically orgasmic.

Josh: “Proper villain then, yeah?”
Crystal (annoyed): “You tell him that on Judgment Day.”

Hey Crystal? If Jesus DOES come back, he’ll have other stuff to worry about besides designer clothes and accessories, what with all the people starving and dying in wars. Eradicating bling is not at the top of His 'to do' list.

Shell’s hanging a pic of some hunky dude to the wall with toothpaste when Dominick comes in. He tells her to take the poster down as it’s against the rules, but Shell doesn’t want to.

Dominick: “I’ve been assigned as your new personal officer, God help me.”

God help you, indeed, Dominick!  Maybe Crystal can put in a good word for you?

The news pleases Shell and she happily takes down hunky dude pic. Of course, she gives Dominick a proper welcome -  by trying to seduce him -  but Dom just walks out.

Btw, toothpaste actually does have a million and one uses in prison.  Seriously.  People use it for all kindsa things: hanging pics, cleaning sneakers, clearing up track marks... handy stuff like that!

Denny and Zandra are having breakfast, tho Denny’s not eating.

Zandra (motions to Denny's tray): “If you’re not gonna have that, I’ll take it.”
Denny: “Go on, then.”

Zandra pokes the fat chick sitting behind her, shows her the plate, and asks, “how much?”

Ha!  A plate of prison food as currency for....what??  A cigarette maybe? Certainly not drugs.  Oh Zandra – your desperation knows no bounds.

Yvonne sits down, asking Denny about her mum. Denny’s upset she hasn't visited and she can't reach Jessie at the hostel.

Yvonne: “It must be hard for her, Denny. I mean, it must’ve been a shock coming across you after all these years.”
Zandra: “I wouldn’t like to find out that Denny is my daughter.”
Yvonne: “Me and Denny are having a private conversation here, love. So if you don’t mind...”

Zandra gets up from the table. Maybe she can trade her tea dregs for a bunch of jellies.

But Denny thinks Zandra’s right – Jessie doesn’t want anything to do with her.

Yvonne says Jessie’s absence has nothing to do with Denny: “She was really proud of you. So she should be. You’ve got a lot going for you, girl.”

In the screw's lounge, Fenner’s whining that Karen has him doing menial work. And Di learns that Jessie was hit by a car and is in the hospital.

Apparently Josh doesn’t scare easily. Or doesn’t know crazy when he sees it, because he gives Denny a letter to pass to Crystal:

Josh: “Let’s just say, there’s a couple of things in it I’d like to say to her face but she’s a bit scary.”
Denny: “You don’t know how scary, man. Nutter’s the word.”

Yvonne's chatting with the Julies when Bodybag comes up behind them: “What are you doing up here?”

Yvonne does a “what’s that behind you?” thing with her eyes, and Sylvia twists her head to look....

Ouch!  That chases Sylvia off!

Sylvia tells Fenner that Karen wants him supervising piss tests now. Which just sends him over the edge. “Bollocks! I’ve had enough of this.”

Denny tells Yvonne that her mum didn't visit because she got hurt. And that Dominick is fixing a visit for her.

Dominick: “Hang on Denny, I never said that.”
Zandra: “How come you can fix a day out for her but you can’t even fix me with a few aspirin?”
Dominick: “ ‘Cause you’re always asking for pills for one thing or another. It’s not up to me, anyway. It’s up to Dr. Nicholson.”
Zandra: “He’s sod all use, inn't he? NHS bloody reject.”

Dominick pulls Zandra to the side and says she’s in pain because she’s still on the smack, but Zan denies it.

But Dom doesn’t believe her. "Look, you’re not gonna be in Larkhall for much longer. Get clean why you can, otherwise you’re just gonna end up back here.”

On the wing, Fenner tells Karen he’s starting a grievance procedure against her.

Karen: “Really? And what would the grounds be exactly?”
Jim: “Your unprofessional conduct towards me.”
Karen: “Unprofessional conduct, ey? Well, you’d know all about that, Jim.”

Heh. I am loving Karen Betts these days.

Also, she’s completely unconcerned about the grievance. When Jim says he's going to tell Simon about their one-night stand those many years ago, Karen simply shrugs: “a man’s gotta do, Jim.”

Did I say I’m loving her these days??

On line for the phone, Denny gives Crystal the letter from Josh. And teases her about having a boyfriend.

Crystal: "He ain’t my boyfriend."
Denny: "Looks like he wants to be."
Crystal: "He can want it, can he? As soon as I’m outta here, this is going in the bin, where it belongs."

Cut to...Crystal in a bathroom stall reading Josh’s letter.

Karen's office.  With a very excited Denny and Di Barker.

Karen: “Now remember, it’s temporary release. That means you come back here afterwards. So don’t go getting any ideas when you’re on the other side of that wall, okay?”
Denny: “Yes, miss. I promise, miss, I’ll be good.”
Karen: “Miss Barker will accompany you. You give her any grief and I’ll give you a lot more, understand?”

Oh Karen, you can give me grief anytime - especially if you’re wearing a suit.

And Di is just grinning like crazy. You’d think she was the one getting out for a visit. Now Karen smiles too, and you can see they’re both happy for Denny.

Out in the yard, Shell spots Josh and tries to seduce him. I guess she’s still feeling the sting of Dominick’s rejection.

As Josh turns her down, he notices Crystal watching them. So does Shell: “you’re wasting your time there. She’s a bible-basher. Now me, I believe in having fun.”

Josh: “Thanks, but no thanks, ey?”

Wow, Shell - two rejections in one day. That's harsh...

The Dorm.  Di comes for Denny, “Taxi’s here. You ready?”

Denny can’t stop smiling, “Yeah. Yeah, I can’t wait. I ain’t been outside for three years. It’s gonna be wicked.”

Zandra’s headaches are getting worse. She’s in bed sniping away and encouraging Denny to escape.

Crystal: “Just 'cause you got a headache don't mean you can slag everyone off, ya know.”

(Crystal, just ‘cause you got a bible don’t mean you can slag everyone off, ya know).

Shell, who’s nothing if not persistent, calls Dominick to her cell. Where she strips off her robe and offers herself to him.

Dominick: "Jesus, Shell."
Shell: "Wait. Don’t you want me to be your little girl?"

Gah! Thankfully, he doesn't and just leaves.

In the hospital, Denny stops to buy Jessie flowers but doesn’t have enough money. Di chides her for having cash (which violates prison rules), but gives Den enough to make up the difference.

Back on G-Wing, Josh finds Crystal. He asks if she got the letter and she says she put it straight in the bin.

Please, please tell him you’re saving yourself for Jesus, Crystal. That would make my night. But no - she’s upset about Shell.

Josh: "You mean that girl in the yard? She was coming on to me!"
Crystal: "And you was loving every minute of it."

The two Julies are watching all this, as Julie J rats Julie’s hair.

Are there seriously women who still do that, rat their hair??

The Julies are just romantics at heart and don’t wanna see Josh give up. They ask who the ‘girl in the yard’ was.

Josh: “I don’t remember her name. She had long wavy blond hair. Looked like she could eat me in one gulp.”

Hee! Oh she could, Josh! And then pick her teeth with your bones.

At hospital, Denny learns that her mum checked out that morning. Di calls Larkhall and gets permission to go to Jessie's hostel. Btw, Di's having almost as much fun as Denny on their outing - she's practically doing girly squeals.

Karen goes to Shell’s cell and confronts her about the incident with Dom.

Shell: "My dressing gown just slipped off. It’s not a crime having a slippy dressing gown, is it?"
Karen: "Don’t piss me about. Why did you do it?"
Shell (sigh): "I hate it ‘ere on Basic."
Karen: "It’s better than being down the block, and that’s where I should put you."
Shell: "Well, go on then. You might as well! Everyone hates me anyway!"

Wow, you KNOW you’re fucked up when even the other felons don't wanna be your friend!

Karen, trying out her Psych 101 skills, brings up Shell’s pattern of seducing men. “The point is, Shell, don’t you think you’re worth more than that?”

Isn't it clear she doesn't think she's worth more than that? I can see why you're not a shrink, Karen.

Denny and Di go up to Jessie’s apartment. Denny’s still über-smiley. “My mum’s gonna be well happy to see me.” But they find out that Jessie’s hasn’t been there all day.

The Julies are mopping the bathroom. Shell walks in and they, well, mop her feet. All over. They want her to leave Josh and Crystal alone (me, too. I also want everyone to leave Josh and Crystal alone, especially Shed Productions).

Julie S: You’re nothing but an evil slut, Shell Dockley.
Julie J: ...an evil slut.

Which, strangely enouogh, actually bothers Shell! I wonder if it’s the “evil” or the “slut” part that bugs her.

Shell: "You don’t call me that, do you hear?"
Julie J: "But that’s just what you are."
Shell: "Piss off, you pair of loonies."

Jessie's Hostel.  Denny and Di start to leave, but Denny sits down on the steps and insists on waiting for her mum.

Di (frustrated): "Oh, I have to get you back to Larkhall for tea!"
Denny: "Then you’re gonna have to drag me along the ground, inn’t ya, miss?"

First, I’d LOVE to see Di try that. Second, do they really have to rush back for tea? I mean, what happens if they miss tea time?  You wacky Brits and your bloody tea...

Di’s exasperated, but sits down next to her.

Aw, Di. If I ever needed a prison escort, I’d want you. Ya know, if Helen wasn’t available.

Di: "You promised me, Denny. And I trusted you. If you don’t come back with me now, Miss Betts isn’t gonna let you out again."

Denny’s not persuaded.

Di: "If it was up to me, gorgeous, we’d stay here til Jessie turned up. But I don’t make the rules.”

Ok, I’m now convinced Di’s crushing on Denny. Just a little.

She tells Denny to come back to Larkhall with her now and she’ll help her find her mum. Finally, Denny gives in.

Golf course. Fenner and Simon are engaged in a cozy game of golf when Jim starts crying about Karen’s “vendetta.” He tells Simon about his one-night stand with Karen but Simon says Karen already told him about it - when she first came to work at Larkhall.

HA! Suck THAT, Fenner!

On the way back to Larkhall, Denny spots Jessie in a park. Drunk. Off. Her. Ass.

Denny (screaming): “What the hell d’ya think you’re doing?”
Jessie: “Bugger off!”
Denny: “Jessie, it’s me!”
Jessie (finally recognizes her): “Daniella!"

She staggers into Denny’s arms. And it’s all downhill from there. When Denny reminds Jessie she’s not supposed to be drinking, Jessie gets all uppity. Well, as uppity as she can get, being she can barely stand up. Finally, Jessie tells her “to piss off back to her cell.”

Denny: “I thought we were gonna try and make a go of it, you and me. What about our plans for when I get out?”
Jessie: “It’s you! You always were nothing but bloody trouble! I never wanted you in the first place!”
Denny (in tears): “Please, stop it! (pause), Mum?”

But Jessie’s too drunk.

Denny: “Sod off then! I don’t give a shit!”

Awww, poor Denny.

Shell’s in her cell with the Julies’ words still ringing in her ears: “you’re nothing but an evil slut...an evil slut...”

Now my own words ring in my ears: “Where the fuck are Helen and Nikki?...Helen and Nikki?.... Helen and Nikki?..."

And then to really milk it, Shell goes to the mirror and repeats the phrase again. And a few others: “useless bimbo, prick teaser, slut, whore...” Since this scene isn’t too over-the-top, Shell burns herself with a cigarette. In case we haven't fully grasped the extent of her damage.

Back on G-Wing.

Di (trying to comfort Denny): “You know what it’s like when you get tanked up. You say all kinds of things you don’t mean. Look, she’ll wake up tomorrow morning and probably not remember what she said.”
Denny: “I will.”

The next morning, Fenner tells Karen he’s decided to drop the grievance procedure.

Karen: “Oh? A bit of a change of heart?”
Fenner: “I’ve been thinking, maybe I deserve everything you’ve thrown at me.”

Karen: “Maybe?”
Jim: “Well, I have done a lot of stupid things lately.”
Karen: “Is this a confession, Jim?”

No, it’s not. Instead, it’s a load of bullshit about how he let Shell take advantage of him.

Karen: “Well, I have to admit, I’m impressed. Though I can’t say I’m surprised. Simon gave me a ring last night. Said you had a very pleasant game of golf.”
Jim: “I suppose you just wanted to watch me grovel. Well I hope it’s made you feel better.”

Indeed, it has!

Karen says it's about running the wing with officers she can trust. And that doesn’t include Fenner: “And the next time you step out of line, I’ll be ready. And it won’t just be a suspension.”

Oh, I hope you’re not just saying that, Karen.

Denny’s yelling in her cell and pounding on her cot as Yvonne walks in.

Yvonne: “Is that for the mattress? Or for your mother?”
Denny (with fist raised): “Piss off!”

Yvonne grabs a mattress and holds it up for Denny. “Go on. Hit it. HIT IT!”

And Denny starts wailing away.

Yvonne: “Good! Let it out, Denny. Let it out!”

Denny finally collapses crying and Yvonne hugs her.

Denny: “I took her back! And I gave her all that money, and for what?”
Yvonne: “What were you hoping would happen, Denny?”
Denny: “That she’d love me.”

Yvonne tells her you can’t buy people’s love - they either give it to you or they don’t.

Denny: “Why is it always ‘don’t’ with me?”

Yvonne says that people don’t respect her because she doesn’t respect herself. She has to stop putting herself down. “You’ve got to learn to like yourself.”

Denny: “There ain’t nothing to like.”
Yvonne: “Well, I like ya. And there’s no one forcing me, is there?”
Denny: “No.”

Yvonne: “Well, you must have something going for you, then. ‘Cause I’m very choosy about the people who I like.”

Aw, this was really sweet.

Zandra sneaks a pair of scissors to the Julies who are planning a romantic dinner for Josh and Crystal in the laundry room (and the highlight of THAT scene is when the Julies spy on them thru the keyhole).

Why they care so much about Crystal is beyond me. What’s also beyond me is writing anything more about Josh or Crystal.

Visiting time. A sober and showered Jessie comes to see Denny. She slides her a pack of cigarettes. “I’m sorry, Den. I felt awful. When I woke up and remembered what I’d done. I didn’t mean any of it, you know. It’s just the booze talking. Fact, I don’t even remember half of what I said.”

Denny reminds her. “You said I should piss off back to me cell.”

There’s regret etched on Jessie’s face, and she promises again to stay off the drink. She’s gotten herself into detox. And she’s got all kinds of plans for their future.

But Denny’s taken Yvonne’s advice to heart. And decides to protect herself when she tells Jessie, “I’ll give you a year. If you’re still off the booze then, I’ll think about it. I don’t wanna hear from you til then.”

Poor Jessie looks stunned. Denny stands to leave. “Fingers crossed, ey?”

Fingers and toes, Denny.

Screw’s Lounge. Karen tells the officers that she’s bringing in a “group therapist” to help some of the women. Surprisingly, neither Jim nor Sylvia is supportive.

Karen wants the officers to think of inmates that would benefit from therapy sessions. Um, is there anyone there that couldn’t benefit from it? Screws included?

Denny and Zandra’s names are mentioned, but Jim gets a little hinky when Karen mentions Shell.

Fenner: “What kind of message are we sending out here? Cry ‘rape’ and we’ll pay someone to give you a bit of encouragement?”

Karen: “You sound worried, Jim.”
Fenner: “It’s just that men are vulnerable in women’s prisons. Aren’t they, Dom?”

Sylvia: “We could all do with someone to sit and listen to our problems. We got plenty of ‘em, sitting out there." (nods toward the wing).

Karen’s all over Bodybag tho: “Sylvia, I’ve had about as many snide comments as I think I can stomach from you. I’m not looking for your opinion, I’m telling you: first session starts next week. And I want 100% cooperation.”

Fenner: “As far as I’m concerned, from now on, it’s every man for himself.”

And he goes off to prove it....
...to Yvonne's cell.

Fenner: “Probably thinking about your fella, weren’t you? What’s his name, Charlie?  There’s not a lot of women willing to hire a hitman to sort out their husband’s problems. You must love him a lot."

Yvonne: "Yeah. But you can cut the crap and the sympathy. What you after?"

Fenner’s willing to give Yvonne and Charlie a private room on the next visiting day, for "several hundred."

Yvonne: “Do I detect the ever so faint whiff of corruption?”
Fenner: “Listen, love. I’ve been in this job 14 years and I’ve never crossed the line, not once. But all you get for keeping your nose clean is shat on. I’ve had enough. So, what do you say?”
Yvonne: “I’d say, it’s been a pleasure talking to you Mr. Fenner.”

I’d say, it’s a pleasure finishing this recap. And I demand you BRING BACK HELEN AND NIKKI!!