Exorcise Room - E

So I've said that my ex reminds me a lot of Helen, and I didn’t know if I was going to talk about her when I started this blog. I didn’t really want to, but it’s the second big parallel between my life and Bad Girls. My time upstate and my time with the ex were years apart, but both storylines resonate really strongly. I assumed if the tale were to be told here, it'd come out when it was ready. So I guess it’s ready.

Obviously, it was sparked by this epi, The Set Up. Helen returns and she & Nikki are like a real couple (well, as much as they can be). It’s the first time they sneak off to share little kisses and talk. Helen’s really trying to make the relationship work.

My ex was so much like Helen. Not just physically, but personality-wise. And our whole relationship was pretty damn forbidden:  not only was she my boss, she was married.

I’ll call her E (not her real initial), and without getting too detailed, we worked in media. E was my boss for 4 years in a very busy, high profile, high pressure job. Long hours, working closely in a job we both loved. It was clear almost immediately that there was something between us:  I could always make her laugh. And blush. I spent those first 2 years flirting madly with her every chance I got.  And when we weren't flirting, we were fighting.  Not only could I make her laugh, I could also make her really mad.

There were other complications, aside from being my boss: like her unhappy marriage. And her kids. And the fact that she was straight. Like Helen, she was a good girl all her life - always did what she was supposed to and always played by the rules.

To make matters worse (or better, depending on your point of view), there was a bar 2 doors down from the office. Lots of us worked late and people were always going there after work. We’d often end up there together at night.

And the physical resemblances between Helen and my ex... similar hair styles, though E was blond. Similar body types.  And the business suits. No, E didn’t always wear one, but she wore them often enough. God, I love a woman in a suit. And when she found out how much I liked them, well, she wore them even more.

Obviously, the most delicious part of S1 was all the flirting and fighting between Helen and Nikki. All that bottled up frustration. It reminded me so much of the first 2 years with E. As we got closer and the sexual tension between us grew, so did our little spats - the natural outgrowth of such repression.  At least that's my theory.

The first 2 years working with her were like constant, maddening foreplay. Long nights on the phone late - she’d call under the pretense of work and before long, we’d be talking about everything but. Long nights working late at the office - deadlines and rewrites. Out for drinks after. Long nights IMing if we were both online.

For 2 years, I was perpetually horny. Like, nonstop horny. Like, a 16 year old boy kind of horny. So I dated a lot – even had 2 serious GFs during that time. What was I supposed to do? We’d never discussed our feelings for each other, though I was sure she was interested. And she knew I was gay. But she was my boss. And she was married.

In the art room, Helen tells Nikki, “you've turned my life inside out. I thought I knew which way I was going, I was doing the job I wanted to do, I was committed to the man I loved. There's no signposts anymore. I don't know what to expect...”

Which is a really familiar refrain for anyone whose dated straight women. I know E struggled with her feelings for me for awhile, but pretty much reconciled with them after the 1st year. And it was a full year after that before anything physical happened between us. By that time, she was separated from her husband.

Once E and I actually started sleeping together, the tumult of our personal life spilled over to the workplace and, despite our best efforts, spontaneous and shushed arguments occasionally broke out. And her office, natch, was the scene of more than a few of our fights.

Those 2 scenes - Nikki and Helen's heart-wrenching drama in the library and their sweet reconciliation in the art room. E and I had our moments of high drama in the office, not that it compares to N&H’s drama, of course. We'd start fighting in her office, running to the bathrooms or outside the building if the argument escalated. Make up later, huddled in the stairwell or in whispered tones in her office. Knowing the repercussions were serious if we were caught. Possibly one, maybe both, of our jobs.

Nikki and Helen sneaking off in this epi to kiss and cuddle was bloody fantastic. For me and E, keeping our hands off each other in the office was challenging at times, but we were well-behaved (for the most part). On more than a few nights tho, we'd leave the bar late and wind up in the shadows of some looming office building, completely concealed from the street, groping each other in the dark.

Yes, it was all very, very hot.


And....I think that's enough exorcise for now. Time for a cold shower.