Exorcise Room

I’ve already said this blog is an attempt to purge some demons, so I’m just gonna purge at will.  I used to be a Bad Girl many years ago - raised by New York State from the ages of 16-18.  Twenty years ago, they didn’t have all these programs for teens like they have today, so I got sent to an adult facility - 2 years of boot camp and hardcore behavior modification.  Out of 70-80 people there, only 8 of us were adolescents.

In my Larkhall, they worked us constantly - 18 hr days were easily the norm.  All day long, people just screamed at us at the top of their lungs. Sometimes they’d make us clean the same bathroom over and over again for hours. Or we’d scrub floors all night with toothbrushes. Or they’d wake us at 3am and line us up outside in the cold just to scream at us some more.

If we got put on report or written up, punishments might include shoveling snow out of the pool in winter – particularly challenging from the deep end (and no, we rarely got to use the pool in the summer). In the warmer weather, they’d make us ‘move the lake’ - a tablespoon at a time. You'd dip a spoon in the water, walk 50 ft or so, dump it out, and go back and do it again. And that could go on all day.

The dynamics between the adults and the teens were interesting, definitely intense - I'm sure that’s part of the reason I like Denny and Zandra so much.  In fact, a lot of the BG characters remind me of people I knew, which of course only feeds my fascination with the show.

I should say that I know nothing about the British penal system - I’m not offering myself up as any sort of expert here. My musings are based strictly on the idea that these kinds of institutions are basically all the same, no matter where you are. An idea, I might add, that’s been borne out as I’ve watched this show.

In facilities like these, there are a couple of places that connote power: one of them is the kitchen. Anyone whose been locked up knows that. If you’re an inmate (or resident or whatever) and you work in the kitchen, there's a LOT of power that goes along with that (the other place would be an office – esp a staff office). The kitchen is a place of power not just in terms of serving meals and determining portions (tho that, too), but for after-hours perks, esp sneaking food to your peeps for late nite snacks. Or having access to a walk-in box or the commissary to cop a quick feel. Or currying favors with staff - one guy loved my tuna sandwiches so much, he'd let me make extra phone calls and stay up watching movies (secret ingredient: lots of pepper and celery finely chopped).

Outside jobs like Nikki’s gardening are good if you want to stay out of the watchful eyes of staff. If the grounds are large enough, it’s usually not hard to sneak off somewhere, chill out, smoke cigarettes, whatever. Most places like that also have the equivalent of Larkhall’s “potting shed.” I can’t remember how many times people got busted for having sex in the tool shed. (yes, I said the tool shed).

Originally, I was going to tie this into last Thursday’s epi – “Visiting Time.” But since LOGO didn't air Bad Girls this week, I’ll just freestyle with the exorcise and tie it to previous epis of S1 (yeah, the ones I haven’t recapped yet). S’alright – I assume readers here have already seen S1 of BG and will know what the hell I’m talking about.

It’s usually the little things in Bad Girls that trigger my recollections - little reminders of how fucked up these places are:

Epi 1.7, Playing with Fire. The scene where Sean teaches them about gardening. The bit with Denny and the toilet paper.

Denny (to Sean): Can I take some toilet paper?
Shell: Sir, didn't you know? We don't get bog paper unless we ask for it. One square now, Den!
Denny: Sir, can I take 4 squares?
Shell: Sir! Sir! We're only allowed to take two squares! You should put her on report for taking all of them.

And that really happened to us. We were told we were using too much toilet paper - apparently the monthly order was higher than usual and costing the state too much money, so they rationed it. For a week, we were allowed only 3 squares when we needed the bathroom. And they were serious about monitoring those squares - you had to go to the office for toilet paper if you wanted to pee.

Epi 1.8, Falling Apart. The epi where the Julies brew wine. We never did anything like that since it was nearly impossible to smuggle anything in. You were thoroughly searched if you’d been in the outside world - court, child visit, whatever.  Unlike Larkhall, people weren't tossing drugs and phones over our walls. And we were way the fuck out of the city, on a lot of property in the middle of nowhere. Not easy to get to. And of course they checked all mail, coming and going. So we were limited as far as resources, but some of us did run a black market for cigs/candy/coffee for awhile.  And since they tossed the rooms periodically, we stashed everything up behind the ceiling tiles. Now that was sweet – we had mad swag for months before they caught us. Oh, and we smoked cherry leaves once out of sheer desperation when they pulled our cigarettes for a few days (don’t try that, btw. I don’t recommend it at ALL).

Epi 1.9, Pay Back Time – G-Wing gets put on closed visits after Shell sets up Lorna Rose. Sorry, but closed visits in Larkhall?? Those ain’t SHIT. When we got locked down, everything stopped: we couldn’t make or receive calls, get or write mail, no coffee, no tv, no free time, no nothing. And it could stay like that for 6 or 8 weeks, no problem. They dogged our asses even harder – we’d work all day and night into the wee hours of the morn, getting maybe 4 hrs sleep. Sometimes we'd have 3 hr lectures on such mundane topics as “taking pride.” Which may not sound so bad, but it was really a Catch-22: you had to stay awake thru the lectures which wasn't easy on just a few hours sleep (and after a large lunch full of starches and carbs). If you fell asleep for even a few minutes, you’d be scrubbing floors all night with a toothbrush.

Places like that are FILLED with the Sylvia Hollambys of the world. Something about the structure and power must attract people like that. Overwhelmingly (and with only a few exceptions), I found them to be incompetent and stupid more than anything else. And that was one of the most frustrating things about being there – the raging retards that were running your life. There was one staffer that was so dumb, she called me all the way to her office on 2 separate occasions to ask how to spell “onion” and “February,” respectively. Did I mention I was 16 yrs old? And the staffer was in her 30s? The same woman once asked me why my hair never got any longer (I used to cut it myself on the down low, since my other option was to let them cut it). I told her that my hair follicles were clogged from all the pot I smoked and that my hair simply didn't grow anymore. Yes, I got in trouble for that, but not by her - she actually believed me, that's how stupid she was. Another staffer walking by heard me and wrote me up.

I've missed the beloved G-Wing library lately. Not only was it the setting for some delish Nikki & Helen interactions, it was filled with books (what's not to love)? We had a library too, tho in our case, it was part of the schoolhouse on the property. Which was carefully monitored by the teacher that tutored us for our GEDs. It was mandatory that all teenagers get diplomas so I spent a lot of time there, even helped tutor some of the adults who wanted their diplomas.  The teacher there was an absolute sweetheart with an infinite reserve of patience. She helped me get into a great university so even now, I got nothing but love for her.

Wow, all that exorcising turned into a full workout – I’m huffing and puffing over here! And I've worked up quite a sweat. Maybe this stuff isn't particularly fascinating to all of you but fuck it, I don’t care. I’m hoping I get it all out of my system before I start bitching about my ex (yes, the one who reminds me of Helen). For as long as I keep up these recaps, I’ll have exorcise rooms for any epis that I’m compelled to weigh in on.

In the meantime, let us all bow our heads and pray for my obsession to be lifted...